Find the person in the mirror sexy

Thats all it takes really, isn’t it? Time and will. You have to be willing to put in the work, and then let time take care of the rest. I keep postponing and postponing starting to workout again, and for what? I really don’t know. Time and Will. I have more than enough of both. I feel good about this, but when have I not? Time will tell if I truly have the will.

I went to the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in New York City. One of my classes there was an acting for film class. In this class we had an assignment. The assignment was called “Private Moments.” “Private Moments” required us to be alone on screen for 10 minutes, not communicating with anyone else through phone or any other means. We had to fill this time with life and make 10 minutes alone interesting. I aced this assignment on my second attempt, in which I slowly and purposefully committed suicide, a performance many of my classmates heralded as my best work. However, this is about my first, and far less entertaining attempt. In this attempt I had just returned from the shower and was getting ready to go to a concert and see a girl I liked. It was 10 cinematically awful minutes of me getting ready to go out. Though I will definately not be winning any oscars for my performance in this video, it holds some value. The value comes from the fact that I am shirtless for most of the scene. In my current body shape I would sharply avoid being photographed without a shirt, let alone filmed. However, in this video, I am sexy. I am thin and young and beautiful and sporting a barely there but still visible six pack. My pecs are small but toned for someone who was about 10 pounds underweight. My arms are not a sight to behold. lol. They are toned but very thin. Still, I watch this video longingly. Its been nearly 6 years and 70 pounds since I have looked like that. Those of you who are familiar with my previous writings know that I have been speaking of returning to my beauteous self for… well years now. I believe that this video is the key to turn my words to actions. I feel fortunate to have such a tool at my disposal. Proof that I can be beautiful. I watched it just after I worked out this evening, and felt as though I had been letting myself down for so long. But I think something has flipped. Something is different about this time. I am different. I am ready. (you know whats funny, even as thin as I was, I would grab the fat I did have and say I needed to lose weight. And at the time, i truly believed it)

First of all. Hi there. I’ve been away for a while, but I am going to try to be better at my 43things. So, for anyone out there who may have noticed my semi-sebatacle I am going to try to make a return. Again. Anyway.

I recently took an RA (Resident Assistant) position at Marshall University so I now live on campus. I moved in on the 12th of January, and began working out about the same time. I go home just about every weekend because its so close to campus. Each time I have gone home I have stepped onto the scale. And each time I have found the number has decreased. I’m hoping the trend continues when I go home tomorrow night. I’m going to assume the scale made a 2 pound error in my favor, so I am going to say I have lost 10 pounds and not 12. (Mostly because I like 5’s) So I have maintained a 5 pound per week loss for 2 weeks so far. I’m hoping to make it 3. If I can keep this pace up I will be back to my normal sexy self in about 12 more weeks. School will just be letting out at that time too. The good news there is that my friend (my secret NYC love) has asked me to come visit this summer. I haven’t seen her in nearly 5 years. And I want to look stunning when I do. I want the washboard abs and everything. She has a very serious beyfriend now, and she seems genuinely happy, so I neither expect or will try to make anything happen. As enamored as I am with her, her happiness means more to me than my own. Besides, when you’re as great as I am, you don’t need the affection of another. =Þ I seem to be ok with the muscle building workouts, I just need to find something that is fat burning. I suppose jogging would be a good thing to take up. Although I would like to find some other Cardio fat burning exercises too. I live on the 11th floor of the dorm, so I figure running (and of course when I say running I mean crawling to start with) the stairs here. 14 floors of fun. =Þ I feel motivated to get this accomplished.

Oddly enough coming on the 100 day mark. I’ll have 100 days to be beach body beautiful. I have decided that if I succeed then I am going to LA for my birthday. A large part made me do LA rather than NYC because #39, my secret New York love told me she was going to be in LA for 3 weeks during July. I am a god. I have my perfect body. I am a god.

I am going to take advantage of the new feature on 43things and give myself a deadline and consequence for this goal. The question is, what should the consequence be? I’m taking suggestions for proper punishment.

I am working out to achieve this goal. I won’t waste another year hating the way I look. I want the body of a god, even if I have to kill a god to get it. But until I aquire the divine, the guy above, yeah, I could stand to look like him.