meet someone

I have a question to put before the collective knowledge of 43things. The younger of the two girls I had previously mentioned has captured my attention. Yet, I feel unsure. About several things. Her interest in me being near the top, and my interest in her running a close second. Today we had another exam in Spanish. I partially intentionally waited to hand in my exam until she had completed hers. Actually I let her hand hers in, pack her bag, and get to the door before handing in my exam. (Let the confusion begin) She saw that I had finished, and waited outside the room for me. (Could just be a friendly gesture) I at least can gather from this that she is not repelled by my presence or finds my company distasteful in some way. I doubt any person is so philanthropic as to wait to walk with someone who they despise. So yay me. We walked for a bit talking about the class, and not wanting to seem stalkerish, I chose to not walk her back to her dorm and made the completely contrived and trite statement that “I have forty minutes to kill.” She replied “That sucks.” “Yeah, I suppose I’ll spend it in the student center.” (I can’t remember her exact words, but it was something like) “Have a good time.” =/ “I will, have fun in your class later.” And that was it. Another bit of information that may or may not be pertinent, she is immediately on her phone after we go our separate ways. To me that kind of immediacy would indicate the presence of a preexisting boyfriend, perhaps from her hometown. (Shite, class time, I’ll finish this later.)

What do I want? Who do I want? I’m not a big fan of marriage so I don’t know if I will ever “get married.” Although I can see loving someone so completely that I could spend a great amount of time with them. IF, and i do mean if, I were to get married, I wouldn’t want her to take my name just because it is “traditional.” It’s not my tradition. Rather, I would want a more true partnership. That means no hyphenations, or crap like that. I think it would be better to decide on a name together, or even an exchange of names. That would be more ideal. As for the person herself, I want… a challenge. I want someone who is brilliant, funny, adventurous, evolved, artistic, strong, loving, friendly, independent, honest, happy, confident, and so many other things. I don’t want a girly girl, like the cheerleader types who fret if the break a nail. I want a girl (woman, i know someone out there was thinking it) who can be elegant, ladylike, refined, poised… ya know all that Audry Hepburn Eliza Doolittle stuff. She also has to be able to be strong, be able to take care of herself, able to do tough things.. martial arts, working out, sword fights (i have a thing for sword fighting), oddly enough rollercoasters and thrill rides. I can’t tell you how many girls I have know who dread these things. It would be nice if she wanted the same sort of stuff as me and the same sort of stuff from me. I want her to want me to be this tough manly man as well as want me to be sensitive artistic creative guy too. (I think modern day society wants individuals to be only one thing. I don’t) I would also want her to want similar things in life as I do. I want huge amounts of success. I want to live in a castle on lciffs of Italy, hugely modernized of course. I want 4 children, give or take 1. Ideally the first 2 would be a boy and girl fratenal (spelling?) twin set. (I know I know, I’ve thought way too much about this, but you have no idea…) The next can be any sex but one year, give or take a month, behind the twins, and the fourth should be the opposite sex of the thrid and another year behind the fourth. (Cloning of myself and the woman in question is NOT out of the question.) She must also be a spectacular mother. She should be open and loving with our children, expect them to be themselves and guide them to whatever that may be. (all this goes for me too) Always make them feel safe and comfortable in confiding in us. Let them always know that regardless of orientation, religion, even rebellion, their parents love and support is always theirs. I want her to always remain in shape and healthy. I want her to demand the same and more from me. I suppose I want perfection. I want us to be able to disagree and argue, but with affection and love. I don’t want any fight to ever occur in anger or hate. I want her spiritual beliefs to be open to mine, even if they are not the same. I want her taste in music and movies to overlap mine, but not always. I want her to ab able to appreciate the things I do and for me to do the same for her. I’m sure there is more.. this is just a start. (Do you know anyone like this?)

Imagine that “Time Is On My Side” by The Rolling Stones is looping in your head. Now replace the words time and side with sex and mind respectively. Sex Is On My Mind, yes it is. This is one of those moments where I really miss my virginity, because then I could just tell myself “No it has to be special the first time” and move on. BUT NOOOOOO! Instead I’m plagued with vague and varied imaginings that serve no other purpose than to toment me. (tear) =P Why must I have such an active…. vivid…. detailed imagination. I mean SERIOUSLY people, this is just not nice. Well, I mean its nice, but its not nice and I just realized you have no idea what I’m talking about. About 2 days ago I debated and decided against writing an entry very much like this one. In that entry I was going to talk about…(I hate using the word fantasies because it sounds so raunchy in this context but imaginings just sound uptight, sooo….) fantasies. Now I won’t disgust you with the gorey details, but I will give you some idea what I’m talking about. I lost my virginity at 23, almost a year ago now. (I regret it now, sadly… but oh well) HOWEVER, I am convinced that I could have lost my virginity years earlier when I was 19. (and way prettier too) It was during my time in New York City. My room was pretty much the 10th floor lounge, because it was a room big enough to house 3 but by this time I was the only one actually living in it. (The 10th floor was the top floor too) During the first semester I had a roommate T. T was this flamingly gay Integrated (the Broadways Kids) Student. He was kinda cool at first, but seemed to get moodier and moodier as the semester went on. He eventually moved out after the first semester. (Thankfully) And the school didn’t stick me with any new roommate. So big room and only me in it. AWESOME! Also this guy we knew named B was graduating after first semester and was moving out. B had this 32 inch tv he couldn’t take yet so he asked me to hang onto it for a while. A while turned out to be all of second semester. AWESOME! Now the next awesome thing was there from the begining. There was a hide-a-bed couch in our room. AWESOME! Especially when you consider T got to the room first and claimed the bottom bunk, and since I’m 6’3” and the distance between the top bunk and the ceiling was, oooo about 2’6”.... I slept on the couch. Now, after Christmas break I came back and Lindz (who I totally was in love with) and I decided to rearrange the furniture in my room. The room is about 18’x12’. So not huge especially when you have 2 people living in it. So here is what we did. We removed the bottom bunk and left the top up on the legs. we put the couch under the top bunk. It fit perfectly. We tossed the matress from the bottom bunk onto the top to get it out of the way, and put the tv and one set of drawers onto the base of the bottom bunk. So now theres a ton of floor space and lots more people can come into the room. Now comes the part thats relevant to sex. One night Lindz, Myke (Lindz’s secret beau and my best guy friend there), myself, Lu, Mark, and Justin were all hanging out. Lindz was cooking something as I recall. I was in the center of the couch, Mark to my right, and Justin to my left. Lindz finished cooking, for myke if i remember correctly, and then asked me for a shoulder massage. (No, I wish the opportunity had been lindz, but just wait the story get more interesting) As I begin to give lindz her massage Joey and Megan (an attractive integrated student who was mostly joeys friend but we welcomed anyway) came in and joined the group. Joey left shortly after but megan decided to stay. So for anyone whos counting thats 7 people in the room. Mark to my right on the couch is working a Rubicks cube. He and the other stoner boys had decided they all wanted to know how to work them so found the pattern and were practicing. I told lindz I would use as much pressure as was comfortable to her, and thanks to years of gaming I have strong hands. As I massaged Lindz she made the suprizing declaration that my hands heat up and get very warm when I give a massage, which to her made it feel that much better. (Yes thankfully I still have that heating skill) Myke was at my desk on Juliet checking email or something and wanyted to show lindz, so I finished her massage and she went to the computer. As soon as she had jumped up Megan asked if I would massage her. Of course I said yes. (I’m never, EVER, going to turn down an opportunity to get my hands on a hot dancer, its just not gonna happen) So megan took lindz’s place in the floor between my legs, me still on the couch and I began her massage. I told her as I told lindz that I would use as much pressure as was comfortable to her, and I did. I started at her shoulders kneading the muscles firmly with my fingers, palms, and wrists. She was obviously enjoying it because when I found a tight spot she would make the traditional “ow” and then “aaaa.” While working her shoulders, Shelly a friend of lindz came in (8) and joined us. She said she had to see what was going on because she heard megan. “Lower.” That was the direction I got from megan. Her shoulders felt good now she wanted me to work her back a bit. So, very firmly, just as before, I kneaded the flesh on her back with my hands, fingers, and elbows as much as possbile. “Lower” Another direction. I was to go from her upper back to her middle back aroud her rib cage. Because of the sounds she was making, my hands weren’t the only things heating up. I couldn’t massage “lower” with her on the floor so I sat back deep into the couch, spread my legs wide and she sat between them in front of me. But not before I placed a pillow between us. (yes, thats right, you’ve figured out why, congrats) So, now I am massaging her middle back, but not for very long before another “lower” leaves her lips and her hands direct mine the the part of her back just above the waistband on her pants. 0now, I am massaging her low back and hips because she “felt tight on her right side.” I continue the massage, with is borderline softcore porn at this point. Because, at her direction, i was beyond kneading and was more or less… prodding, probing, (I’m really trying not to use the word penetrating here but yeah…) penetrating her flesh with my thumbs. Then one final “LOWER!” was uttered and I had arrived, at her ass. I was now copping a major feel in a room full of 8 people. And she…. well she was making what i loveingly refer to as interesting sounds. That thin line between the pain of “ow” and the pleasure of “aaa,” yeah she and I crossed it. Now we were into “Oh,” “Uh,” and “Ah” sounds of pleasure…. in a room full of 8 people. Rubick’s cube mark said “I can’t concentrate with you doing that!” after a particularly… boisterous “AHHHHH!” At this point I am sweating as are some of the other people in the room, lol. (It wasn’t just sex hot in there, it was temperature hot too.) My fingers are hooked around each of her hips and my thumbs are diving deeper into her bottom. The only things between her and my 19 years old hair-trigger erectile response was our clothes and that single pillow. Oh yeah and the EIGHT OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM! (Here is what actually happened next, then I’ll tell you what I think should have happened) Kenin and Jeremy came bursting in, because obviously this is where the party is at, after scoring some weed from whereever they got it from. They said they were going to go smoke and invited the other guys to go with. Myke, Mark, and Justin jumped up, then they asked me if I wanted to go. (prepare to want to yell and throw large objects at my head) I said, “sure.” I willed the “swelling” to go down as much as possible in the 15 seconds I had to get out of there, jumped up and ran. (I KNOW! I was sooo stupid) I went and smoked with the guys for about an hour and a half which made it about 12:30 AM. As I walked up to my room, slightly high (yeah evidently I was smoking wrong), i hope that perhaps megan has stuck around after lindz, lu and shelly had all left. BUT NOOOO!!! The room was left empty, and I was left high, horny, and alone. So I just pulled the bed out of the couch, fell down, and went to sleep. WHAT A CRAPPY ENDING! This is what should have happened. After Kenin and Justin burst in with their invitiation of intoxication, I should have leaned in and whispered into Megan’s ear, “What would you say if I asked If you wanted to continue your massage after everyone left?” Now, since this is my fantasy she says “That’d be wonderful.” I tell her “I’ll be right back.” Then I follow the stoners closing the door behind me. I pull myke aside and ask him if he has any condoms. Now knowing him, and he knowing I was a vigin (eveyone did), he would have gotten this huge grin and probably been loud and said something very male like “You gonna hit that?” To which my only reply would have been a goofy grin of my own. He’d give me the condoms and say something else like “Good luck” or “Go get her.” or something silly like that. Then I would return with a couple of drinks or something else mundayne borrowed from myke claiming to lindz, lu and shelly that is what i was after all along. Since lindz was my best friend I would trust her to help me get rid of shelly and lu, so I’d give megan one of the drinks or something to let her know what i was up to or to make her feel more comfortably anchored in the room, then I’d call lindz over to the computer claiming to want to show her something, then just open notepad or owrd or something and typing something like. “Do you think you can get Lu and shelley out of here?” the I’d ask her what she thinks, she’d say yeah. Then I’d type something like “THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!” and let her do the work of getting rid of shelley and lu, I’d say something like “I’m going to put a movie on if you’d want to stay megan.” To make it seem less obvious what my real intentions were. Once all the extra people had been dealt with I’d throw some unobtrusive music on to mask any further noise that would be made. AND LOCK THE DOOR. Normally I had an open door policy, but had that been what actually happened I’d have wanted to cut off any interruptions. Then of course the making out and sex parts would come next. As with before, I won’t disgust you with gorey details. Active, vivid and detailed imagination here. I’ll save it for the sleazy romance novel I’m supposed to write.

The candy is out, the town is painted, hearts are fluttering. Its Valentines time again. I consider myself generally a happy person, and I usually allow Valentines to come and go with barely a notice, but for some reason I am feeling the single person’s aversion to this holiday. The “gag me” mentality that, far as I can tell, stems from jealousy or loneliness. Am I jealous, lonely? If so. Why? Lets address jealousy first, why would I be jealous? What does jealousy imply? Wanting what another has. Well, thats untrue. I’ve seen what many mortal relationships are like, and I want so much more than that. So its more than jealousy, its… hunger. Oooo, I don’t like that. Hunger? I don’t like that at all. Especially if it is merely emotional hunger. A physical hunger I can deal with. My body needs nutrition so I must eat, need for water, must drink, and the like. Emotional hunger I think is too unevolved for me to indulge. Mind over matter is cliche`, but mind over mind should be easy.

These are the conditions with which this goal will qualify as complete. Condition the first: This person will be a significant other entity and not merely a friend. The second: There will be a total of 10 dates. Third: kisses will be exchanged. Condition the fourth: I’m not sure yet. I want there to be a total of 5 conditions just because I love 5’s. Any suggestions are welcome. Also I’m not sure about 10 dates… is that too few, too many? Help me unlock the mysteries of dating.

WARNING: To the girl known as K, if you are reading this, stop now. Take the closure I granted you last night and walk away.

For everyone else, heres the weirdness that is my life. lol. Last night at work I get a text message that said “Hey omg I need to talk to you but I understand if you never wanna talk to me again. Feel free to call anytime tonight. I have a conference call later but If I miss you then I’ll call back.” It came from a number I didn’t know so this was my reply. “I would’ve called but honestly i don’t know who this is. Normally I ignore #’s I don’t know but you sound urgent. I’m chad. If i’m who you’re trying to reach contact again.” About 5 seconds went by. Just long enough for me to set the phone down and pretend to work some, when i got this reply. “It’s K.” ... Yeah, I was a little shocked too. I had given up on her. Deleted her from my phone even. (Which is why my phone didn’t tell me who it was) And I told her that. I sent yet another text saying “Hey I had given up on you. Give me about 40 minutes to close this place down then I’ll call you” To which she replied “Okay that’s fine yeah that’s what i wanna talk about.” (The girl uses like no punctuation and shes an english major, drives me crazy. lol) So I continue on my merry little work. Which honestly, this is going to sound super girly, I was doing my nails. (One of the girls used this 4 sided block thing on me once, its like even, smooth, buff, shine. So freaking girly but I don’t care) So I was doing that, then 10PM rolls around and I close the place up. After doing all i had to do I got out of there and home by about 10:50. I made my dinner and threw Pirates Of The Carribean 2 in the dvd player and started it up. About 20 minutes in my phone rings. I look at it and the number across the screen was the number from the text messages. I forgot to call K. I answer the phone and say hello. Since I can’t recall our conversation DLP (Dead Letter Perfect) I’ll paraphrase. I said hello, she said hi, I said whats up. And she dives right in. A friend of hers signed up on 43things, which i’m guessing prompted her to check her 43things and consequently reading my entries. She said that she read my entries and felt like crap, she totally thought that she had gotten back to me. (yeeeeeah) She said that she was sorry and that I didn’t have to be mad at her because she was mad at her for me. She knew it wasn’t gonna work out for a relationship too, blah blah blah… (I wonder whats happening in the movie) I told her that its ok, you don’t have to be mad at yourself its no big deal. (My dinner is getting colder, are we done?) Then something random about people parking downtown, I banter along for a moment then make my escape by saying, “We’ll I’m going to go finish my dinner, I’ll talk to you later.” “Bye” click*

Now I ask you, what was the purpose of her calling? What did it achieve and what di she hope it to achieve? Most of you know how I feel about apologies and the word “sorry.” If you don’t, then check out that entry. Now she may not have read that or know how meaningless her apologies were to me, but it has been several weeks with no contact. Here is my specualtion. She felt guilty. Not remorse or sorrow, guilt. She had no thought about me whatsoever until she read those entries and saw my thoughts, then she felt like some of the people she didn’t like, and she didn’t want to feel like them, she didn’t want to be like them. Whatever could she do? lol. She called me for one thing only, absolution. She wanted to feel better about herself. She didn’t want to be the girl who never calls the guy and just ignores him. She wanted to be the one to make the final attempt and walk away with her soul clean. lol. (This psychoanalyzation stuff is fun) So she texts, then calls, gets her absolution, now shes done. I truly doubt do hear from her again. And really I don’t want to. Thats why I gave her the absolution she sought. If you ignored the warning K and are still reading this, bad girl. But seriously, I recall it as a fun experiment and i leave it at that. You can too.

At work tonight I was looking at one of the copies of Superman Return we have for sell and I saw this coupon thing on the front for Papa Johns. I peel it off and take a look at it and it also has a link to use to get 1 month free on perfectmatch.com. As sad as it is, I am signing up for the one month. I doubt I’ll find a perfect match in one month. Let alone online. But it will be one last fun experiment before I start college in the spring. I feel I’ll meet someone in school rather than online. but, I’d love a partner or two for this experiment. If you’re interested the link is perfectmatch.com/clark Who knows, could be fun.

This entry is focused on the events of the next day. If you need to recap check the previous 2 entries.

I woke up with an excited anticipation of what was going to happen later, the semi-date-kinda-thingy-deal. I showered, I shaved, I brushed, I flossed, I styled, I sprayed, I clothed, I accessorized, I prepared. With full intention, I tired not to “make myself up.” I was going to be as much of myself as I would allow, and she would either like me for me or I’d move on. I arrived early again. I think I should have waited before ordering but I decided to get myself a Chai Tea Latte from the bar at Java Joint. I found 2 chairs the looked comfortable. I was hoping I could claim the couch at some point before she arrived but it was occupado. So the chairs it was to be. I sat there, once again with my ipod (it nearly never leaves my side) and a book, awaiting the arrival of the fair maiden. Slyly she snuck up from behind me and bent down to read the button on my bag. (She was concerned she wouldn’t remember me so I gave her visual clues) She sat in the chair next to mine. Now to give you an idea of the awkwardness of the seating arrangement. These are 2 low-sitting high-back chairs that only slightly face each other. The backs are to the wall behinds us and the chairs tilt about 35 degrees toward one another each. A teeny arm-rest-high table is between the 2 chairs. Enough of furniture back to the people. She takes her seat and I immediately put away all distractions to focus on her. She is beautiful. In our late night ramblings she asked me why I wanted to give her my telphone number. I told her quite honestly, the first time I saw her I thought she was a very attractive young woman. She said thats the part she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know herself. I know that a stranger telling you that you are beautiful is taken with a grain of salt these days. Especially coming from college males. Most women see it as a ploy to undo her jeans, and in most cases with most guys, thats true. I’m not like most guys. I have thought about what it could be like to kiss her, to hold her hand, to hug her close, and yes even to make love with her. That doesn’t mean that I’m just trying to bed her. I do have some standards people. (I’m aware she may read this. But 43things is my refuge where I can be uncensored in my thoughts and say whatever I wish. Those statements may get me into trouble with her, but I’ll be honest on here always. For my sake) And mostly my standards are directed toward me at the moment, and the abundance of my ass. But I digress. I can’t help but to smile. I’m happy to see her again. But… (oh yes there is a but) She seems a bit disillusioned with me. I think she may have had me built up a bit, which sounds silly. But she told me after reading my note she called her friends and family and told them what happened and they encouraged her to contact me. She said it was like something from a movie or a book. The kind of thing that doesn’t really happen to her, but it happened to her. During our “date” (i just hate that word for some reason) she was tired. It seemed she was disinterested but that could have been the sleep deprivation. However, there was the phone. She has a very nifty PDA/cell phone device, thats she kept fiddling with. At one point it was obvious she was sending a text message. I even told her to tell the person I said hi. (I often do silly annoying things like that.) She also took a phone call. I don’t expect her to ignore actual friends and family just to sit with me and chat, but that seemed odd. (For the record. I haven’t really “dated” very much at all. at least not the awkward you-don’t-know-the-person-at-all kina dating. Any “dates” I have been on were with people who I knew and was comfortable around. This is different) OH! I totally forgot to mention. It would be rude for me to sit there with a drink and let her sit with none so as she sat I offered to get something for her, she declined. The conversation continued, in a seemingly forced manner at times. Other times it seemed to flow fine. I had mistakingly thought I had the entire evening off from work, so i thought perhaps we would move from the coffe house out and about in the world, but i had to depart about an hour after we met. Which i felt bad for, until she said early on that she had to be home by 8. (To watch Bones) So after some, in my opinion good time, and some awkward, I ended the “date” by saying “Forgive my rudeness as I check the time but I have work tonight.” Then some half hearted goodbyes. She said she was going to get herself something to drink. (HUH didn’t i offer to get it for you? isn’t that what you do in a datelike situation?) Then she was going to go home and nap before bones came on. (We sound like we’re 70) I told her if she wanted to talk she could call me. Which i thought a good idea. That way if she really didn’t like me she could just not call. Easy out. Then she complicates it. “Or you can call me.” Damn it! So what do I do? does she want me to call? Was the awkwardness just sleepiness? I go to work. Blah Blah Blah. Close down. Head home. I didn’t call her. I still felt weird. So, at 11:30 I sent her a text that read “If you’re still up and wanna talk send me a text or give me a call. I had a good time talking with you today. If I don’t hear from you, Have Sweet Dreams.” And I know what you’re thinking, but the “I had a good time” part is not a total lie. Thankyouverymuch. I did have a good time, in between the thoughts that she was miserable in my company. I’m laying in bed watching “Smallville” when my phone rings. I was about asleep. It was 1:30 after all. Its her. The conversation lasted One minute and twenty two seconds. My phone times things. It was basically:
“Hey there”
“Hey, just got your text and didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you.”
“Not at all. How was Bones?”
“It was awesome. And the preview for next weeks looks even awesomeer if thats even possible.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“We’ll I’m going to sleep now. Bye.”
“Bye.”
CLICK

And thats the last I hear from her at 1:32 AM thursday. I haven’t called or texted her back because… well she almost had an angry tone in her voice in that last converstaion. I suppose I did something wrong. So, I’m allowing her the easy out option. If she doesn’t like me she won’t have to hear from me again. If she does, then I’ll hear from her again. Perhaps we can try dinner and a movie this next time. (What I had hoped to do thursday night. Looked at showtimes and everything. A real live date.) Instead its been approximately 40 hours since then, and nothing. I’m going to end this entry and begin another about the pros cons and my rationalization of everything.

I met someone. For the tale of our meeting check out my other recent entries. After that return here to get the rest of the story. To those of you who are already caught up, here is what happened next.

I was fairly proud of myself for taking the risk of making contact with this lovely young woman, but i was also nervous as hell. Which I am sure showed in my previous entry. lol. After only a few hours of intense navel-gazing did my thoughts give way to a peace of mind founded on the fact that, I tried. Which is really something I should do more often because it seems to always turn out spectacular. Anyway, continuing on. I woke the next day, still mildly elated at my own courage and silliness, and got ready for my meeting with my advisor at Marshall. I got dressed and cleaned up in no stunning way, simply enough, just to be, without need for impressing. After gathering all the papers and books I thought I’d need I headed out. I also took Juliet with me. (my laptop) I arrived early as I have been the last few weeks. Roxanne (my advisor) returned at about 12:45 to find me waiting patiently outside her office. My appointment wasn’t till one o’clock but we both figured, “Since we’re here.” So I went in, was advised, and left. However my Marshall adventures were not yet complete. Financial Aid, the bane of my academic existance, was my final stop. I left Roxanne’s at about one and headed to Financial Aid. They, as per their usual, instructed me to return later, approximately 2:30. So I sought refuge in the Student Center. An excellent place for a people-watcher. I sat in a way to maximize my view of the area. For better people watching of course. Listening to my ipod and partially reading “What The Bleep Do We Know” I waited. I looked down at my phone to check the time but the screen showed no hour. Instead I saw the alert of a text message. I presumed its was the silly T-mobile text telling me the free ringback tone has changed. I was mistaken. (A very rare occurance =P) Instead the text read “Hey I saw you yesterday in roxanne’s office. I’m K… (sorry the names have been changed to protect the innocent) Just seeing what’s up.” Needless to say my elation returned in full force. I was awestruck. I could not stop smiling. Believe me I tried. Got so many looks from people basically say “What the fuck are you so happy about?” I, of course, did not care. The problem was. I had no idea how to respond. It took me 8 hours to form this reply. “Hi K. I’m just at work with a goofy grin on. Gave this girl my # and she sent me a text. Perhaps she’ll permit me to call her tomorrow night. I hope she will.” And you all know that was only the final draft of those 160 characters. There were many many previous. I thought perhaps another day would pass and then I’d hear from her again. Again, I was mistaken. (See if I would just have faith in the superiority of my seducing skills I’d always be right ;P) Nearly immediately I got a reply. “Sure. I’ll be up forever tonight so if you find yourself bored at 2AM then you’re prolly not alone.” How awesome was this? Not only does she want me to call her TONIGHT (tuesday that is) but shes a night person too. The only thing that kept me from calling her that second was the chains of labor at Movie Gallery. (one of my jobs) As soon as I got the store closed I say in my car and dialed her number. I simply failed to press send right away. I thought about it and thought about it then just said, “Fuck it dude. Call her!” So I did. The phone rang. And rang again. After two rings a mind goes wild with self depricating thoughts. But the worse was yet to come. VOICEMAIL! NOOOOOOOOO! (althought she had this nerdy-cute message about her and jack bauer and something about the government) As her message played on I talked myself into leaving a message. I basically said “hey, my name is…. blah blah blah. Hope to hear from you. Bye.” I decided to go to one of my car spots to sit and listen to music, and relax, and just exist. Instead, en route to the aforementions spot my phone rings. Yes. You’re thinking correctly. It was her. I answered the phone and said “Hello” or “Hey” or one of the “H” greetings. I tried not to sound as excited as I was. But I am certain some of that emotion bled through the block. I arrived at my destination with her in conversation. I parked, sat back, and tried not to be overwhelmed. She and I spoke for hours, four to be exact, and barely noticed. (I barely noticed, she may have been in agony for all I know) In the course of our conversation we discovered that she now attends church when I once did, and knows some of the same people i once knew. That was not the most frightening thing. It was the second most frightening thing. First being an oversight on my part. I told her about 43things. Not only did I tell her about it, I gave her my name on here forgetting entrely that my most recent entry was about her. (She is now a fellow 43thinger and will more than likely read this, but i cannot be censored. Although I probably should. lol. Because she made reference to my 35th thing over and over again which of course made me cringe over and over AND over again) So now, my most intimate thoughts are not only on display for the whole anonymous net world to see, but also open to the girl who I am trying to court. (I just couldn’t bring myself to use the word “date” instead of “court” in the previous sentence. seemed wrong somehow.) Continuing now with the catch up. It was creeping up on 2:30 in the AM and our talk was winding down when I asked if I could see her tomorrow. She said that would be fine and we agreed upon meeting at 4:35 at Java Joint. We said goodnight. The events of the next day will be detailed in a different entry. Check back.

I need a close guy friend. I haven’t had one of those in…. years. At least not in the way I want. I need someone like me. Un-married, un-churchy, un-afraid. I am a firm believer that only boring people get bored. I’m afraid I’m getting boring. I need someone to hang with, to work out with, to ask for girl advice. lol. I need a man. =Þ