...how lucky I am to have this job, with a secure salary that will steadily go up as the years go by (though not a high salary, a sufficient one), that I really can’t be fired from unless I do something illegal, and that has great vacations. In additional to all that I have pleasant colleagues and a boss who isn’t on my back. I can walk to work and come home for lunch. How many people would love to have a job like this?
But despite all of that, I feel so ill at ease and uncomfortable teaching. I feel like I’m doing a terrible job and I feel guilty about that. I don’t know how to get past this situation.
The meeting with the counselor to discuss other job opportunities wasn’t really a total waste of time… if only because it made me realize that if I want a professional change, it is going to have to come from me. No counselor is going to give me the magic answer to my problems by handing me a well-paid, secure job I’ll love (or at least feel less terrible about than teaching). She stressed the fact that if I were to leave this job, being unemployed and struggling to make ends meet at the end of every month might be even more anxiety-causing than teaching, though I feel badly about that too. I guess on the subject of “appreciating my job”, that was helpful… somewhat.
I’ve made an appointment with a counselor who specifically helps people having difficulties in their job and gives them advice about how they might eventually be able to reorient themselves towards a different position. I don’t want to blow everything by quitting, but I don’t feel very comfortable in my job. Hopefully this meeting next week might help me see things a little more clearly.
I complain a lot about my job, but it’s paid well enough and the vacations are good. I should learn to be thankful I’m employed at all.