Do something in pursuit of my dreams, every day

Away on a business trip, and feeling very high and low. The highs are that I’ve managed to get in 3 weekly runs for the last two weeks I’ve been gone.

The low is that I’m just sick of being so busy. I’ve got my new job and old freelance consulting projects to finish. I love my old projects, but it’s honestly going to take me months to get to any sort of equilibrium.

I need yoga in my life. I need to carve out moments of peace. But mostly I seem to be, outside of my runs, falling into these moments of brooding.

Everyone always says, “I don’t know how you do it all.” And honestly, it doesn’t feel like a compliment. I don’t want that to be what people say about me anymore. I want a new MO.

I want to be like this surfing, Mini-driving girl in this picture. I don’t want to be commended for being such a workaholic. I want people to say, “I don’t know how you have so much freakin’ fun all the time.”

And had a vegan dinner tonight. Big step for a red meat loving gal like me.

But I want to evolve my eating. I’ll probably never be a vegan or a vegetarian, but I could be a fisheterian.

My whole goal is to try to eat mindfully and healthfully. For myself. But also so I can model joyful wellness for my little girl.

So I’m really devouring this book.

One of my top 10 goals in life is that the bambina never hears me say, “I feel fat” or “Do I look fat in this?”

I want her to be a veg eating, rock climbing, running, yoga babe who is, as the French say, bien dans sa peau. Happy in her own skin.

I believe that this is an important and worthy goal* doing something in pursuit of my dreams every day* but it’s harder than it appears on the surface. Mostly, I think because I have so many dreams and they are always shifting.

Yesterday, my baby was sick. She was teething and projectile stuff in every direction and of course my husband was working late. So I washed sheets and our clothes and we both changed six times because of the mess. Mostly, I just held her while she screamed. Her gums hurt so bad.

Yesterday, my dream was just for the screaming to stop. Which it did eventually. She was up at five a.m. and finally passed out at 8:30 p.m. and I’m pretty sure that I was asleep by 8:45.

Today, my dream was to get to the gym for an hour. I went for 1/2 an hour, was trying to go the whole nine yards but my Ipod ran out of my power and I decided good enough is good enough.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? But I think this spring isn’t about a single minded pursuit of one career dream. But rather a shifting focus of all important things, trying to find my way back towards some kind of center.

Today I watched the movie, “Volver” with my family. I’ve been wanting to see it for two years and finally rented it from Netflix.

It was so inspiring, especially because I’m from Latin America, (although I speak Spanglish better than anything.)

I love Penelope Cruz singing the title song, which I think is voiced by a famous singer. I found a link of it on You Tube here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_NODJbKyZ4

But mostly the words keep coming back to me. Volver means to come back. And in the movie, the word has so many meanings: come back to forgive, come back to stand up for yourself and the people you love, come back against all logic and all odds.

So this Sunday evening, I feel like I’m starting the week on such a good foot—quiero volver. I want to come back from a really rough year, gently but assuredly, to the woman I want to be and the life I want to lead.