Clear clutter, especially my junky office

Spent all day working on this goal from 9:30 this morning to 7:30 tonight… Really wanted to clear out my home office by the end of next week, which is when I leave town for my brother’s memorial (anniversary and spreading of ashes.)

My husband devoted all day to helping me. I’m definitely a sentamentalist, which is why I’ve got so much junk. But it made me happy to find old things like a note I wrote to myself when me and my husband were living in separate states. I wrote, “10 things to boost my spirits.” One was to go see Amelie. Another was to learn how to make cupcakes. The last thing was to spend 10 consecutive nights in a row sleeping next to my husband.

Six years later, I’m happy I have that list. It’s like a letter to my present self from my past self. Even if I had to throw out six trash bags of junk to get to it.

Fingers crossed, I’ll be able to strike this off my list next week before I leave town and make room for some new goals!

So I had set a personal challenge to clear my messy office by April 1st and I just did not make it. It’s hard to explain how angry I’ve been at myself for the last couple of days, but it’s been pretty frightening. I thought I’d gotten past the deep perfectionist issues that I’ve been working on in therapy for oh, ten years, but who’s counting. But when I realized I couldn’t do it, I was just furious with myself.

In some ways, 43things made me realize how hard I am at myself. While I’ve been walking around thinking, “I’m a failure. I couldn’t get it together,” I was cognizant of how generous people are with cheers and how I would never talk to anyone online the way I talk to myself.

I also took a step back and realized that in the last week, I threw a first birthday party for my daughter—it was great and we were surrounded by friends from as far as 3000 miles away. I planned a guys’ night out birthday dinner for my husband. I met three major work deadlines and I hosted my parents (who are still here) and spent a day in the hospital because my asthma is acting up again.

So I’m resetting the goal with the hope that I can cut myself some slack and also with the knowledge that the challenge helped me. I’ve discovered that the best time to attack my office is between 7 and 9 am, with some pumping music and (hopefully) someone to hold the baby. I’m also about 60% there. And what that means in the most practical terms, is that I can work in my office again. It’s not just become some dump spot. That’s no small thing.

So in the spirit of generosity, I’m giving myself to May 20th—a special day for me and the knowledge that this is as Anne Lamott would say, a “bird by bird” job but I can get there if I tackle a little every day.

The pic I’ve included is of Veronica Webb from Cookie Mag. It reminds me how much delight I get in my daughter, and her in me. Yesterday was her birthday and she was all dressed up in a fancy dress my friend sent her, she’s cruising and twirling and dancing. She likes to play the drums and the baby piano and the tambourine. She’s a great little girl. I want to have an uncluttered office, but I also want to model a forgiving spirit for her. Sometimes good enough is really good enough.

Four days to complete my office goal. Feels insane, like why not extend the deadline? But I really really want to get past this issue, move onto other things—make space for new dreams and inspiring goals, instead of feeling literally bogged down by papers, boxes, books and stuff to sort.

I’m going to give it two more hours today.

My home office has become such an unspeakable mess that all my stuff spilled over into the kitchen. We have this long kitchen counter and it was filled with project folders, unopened letters, an unpacked gift basket (visual reminder for me to write a thank you note), gifts for the baby (visual reminders for me to write a thank you note), bath products that never made it to the bath, books I started but then couldn’t find to finish. It was a situation.

So today I decided to tackle it. And honestly, it took me all day. Six hours give or take. I couldn’t believe it. On one hand, I have this feeling like, “I didn’t do anything all day” because I didn’t do any paying work. But that’s what gets me into the hands of the clutter monster in the first place. I’m always trying to do paying work, or volunteer work, and I don’t realize how a junky home office, and for awhile kitchen, quietly but severely drains my spirit.

I keep looking over at the kitchen and seeing the counters clear gives me such a sense of calm.

9 days left to complete my home office goal. I think I can, I think I can.