be happy

Any hopes I had are gone now after this special Spect scan and everything. Doctor has verified it HAH! There is only reason I cannot so the right thing in this situation, his love is stronger than the force to kill myself and there has never been anything to hold me back before

I have the one thing I’ve always wanted and knew would make me happy, true love; my soulmate. I have everything I need. But I cannot be happy and I wish people would understand I can’t help it, it’s not in my control and it’s not anybody’s fault. I want my boyfriend to know that my sadness is not cause by him, and he is the only person/thing that ever takes any of it away. I’m afraid my problems have and will continue to destroy my relationship. I know how horrible I would feel if it was the other way around with us, and it was him that was sick. I would want to die. I’m so sorry. I had a lot of hope for the future but I can’t see some thing shappenign and lasting now, all because of me and the way I act and feel. I deserve the worst of anything for the way I am