get paid to write really, exceedingly, painfuly cheesy puns.

One day three guys were driving in the middle of nowhere when their car broke down.
They got out and looked around at their surroundings.
Finally, the first guy says, “I’m gonna go look for some food.”
The other two guys say, “Why?”.
“So we can eat of course.” says the first guy.
Once the first guy comes back the second guy says, “I’m going to go get some water”.
“Why” asked the other two.
“So we can drink it if we get thirsty of course”.
Once the second guy gets back the third guy goes and tears off the car door.
“Whats that for?” asked the other two.
“In case we get hot we can roll down the window.”

Yeah, its not as good as the previous two, but. . . . seriously, corny jokes these days just aren’t up to par!

There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks and they’re at death’s door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There’s smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy, nearly raw bacon, all sorts. “My God, Chuck,” says the first bloke. “It’s a bacon tree!!! We’re saved.” “You’re right,” says Chuck, “Praise the Lord.”

So Chuck rushes on ahead and goes up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But, as he gets to within a few feet of the tree, there’s the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

His friend quickly drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Chuck. “Chuck, Chuck – what the hell happened?”

With his dying breath Chuck calls out. . .
“Run, run, it wasn’t a Bacon Tree, it was a. . . Ham Bush!!!!”

hahahahaha, snicker, snort, hahwhahahwahubububhahaha!!!!! hahaha! hshaha!!!! Oh, it gets me eeeeevery time! ooooeee eeseeahhh hehehahah ahaaaa. . . .

Hahahahaha! Ok, get this. My favorite joke, well, I lie, my second favorite joke in the world. Drumroll please. (Pause.) (Silence.) Reliable help is so hard to come by now days!! Any hoo. . . What was I doing? Oh, yes. . . Tehe. What did the fish say when it hit the wall?Dam. . .