compile a 100-things-about-me list

21. I am the gassiest person I know. I ALWAYS have gas. It’s embarrassing.

22. Every IQ test I’ve taken over the years (starting when I was about 7; real IQ tests administered by professionals – not the Tickle variety) place me in the 99th percentile of the population.

23. According to most measurable standards of success, I am an absolute and utter failure.

24. I have a hard time reconciling #22 and #23. It confuses me and makes me sad.

25. #23 is not worded properly, is confusing, and is driving me crazy because I’m compulsive about that sort of thing.

26. I have eyes so blue that people are always asking me whether they’re “real” or contact lenses.

27. Money terrifies me.

28. I like high-quality 60% cacao chocolate. 70% is a little too bitter, and don’t insult me by offering me Cadbury! Good chocolate is very hard to come by here, and I don’t dare try to have it shipped in. For the moment I’m pretty happy with Lindt and Munz if I can’t get Lindt.

29. I’m extremely obsessive. I just spent the last two hours (no kidding) researching fine chocolate to make sure I wasn’t embarrassing myself by claiming to be a chocolate lover yet endorsing something universally considered hideous. Turns out it’s ok that I like Lindt.

30. I wonder why I’ve never been able to turn my obsessive attention to detail into something profitable.

11. #6 has a grammatical error that is driving me insane, but I am not going to allow myself to edit it.

12. I have a degree in journalism but have never worked in the field.

13. My mother is mentally ill.

14. I have two children who are nearly adults now.

15. They don’t live with me.

16. I’m beautiful – stunning even, according to most people.

17. Inside I feel like the ugliest girl on Earth.

18. I have one sister and no brothers.

19. I have a pet fish but never bothered to give him a name.

20. I’m only staying because I can’t afford not to.

1. I live in a third-world country.

2. I was born and raised in a first-world country.

3. I vacillate between being bitter & angry and being far too compassionate for my own good.

4. I have a huge engagement ring with lots of small diamonds framing a huge centre stone.

5. The centre stone is a manufactured diamond because I refused to let my husband spend that much on a diamond when I have to look at half-starved street children every day.

6. #5 is a secret to everyone but Husband, me, and now you, because his status demands that I actually own a gigantic, obscene diamond.

7. I suffer from insomnia.

8. I haven’t spoken to my father in years.

9. I’ve been pregnant six times but have only two living offspring.

10. I’m a reluctant atheist.