feel the fear and do it anyway

Not fearful about much these days. I know labor will hurt, but I just am not afraid of that pain. I welcome it because…

A. I know it will pass.

B. I’m a marathoner who internalized a lot of valuable lessons about my own vast strength and the nature of pain through my training and through the painful marathon itself.
For example…. Fear and pain have about as much power over me as I allow them to have. Pain is JUST pain. I don’t need to fear it.

D. I have faith that God will not give me more than I can handle.

E. Hubby will be there the whole time.

F. Most importantly, this pain will be insignificant compared to the joy it produces when we get to meet our little girl.

I am super blessed and thankful.

This isn’t like me, but during my nightly insomnia (THANK you baby-to-be) I kept worrying about stuff that MIGHT happen. I’m just gonna get it off my chest here so I can move on…

What if I have the baby early? We won’t be in our rental house until August and all her stuff is a jumble in SIL’s spare bedroom… Rebecca’s only 3 pounds now. What problems would she have coming after only 3/4 of the gestation period?

What if my husband is away at military training during the birth? I hadn’t even thought of this until my SIL brought it up as a possibility. He has drill scheduled for two days before my due date… Eeeep!

This is a biggie, because I feel like I really need the stuff. My OB says, however, that most women taper off in the third trimester if they can because the baby can actually have withdrawal symptoms for up to two weeks, including seizures! He sounded like I can choose to stay on it, but I cannot take that chance for my baby girl.I’ve gone off it before with BAD results (almost divorced during that time). So this is a bit terrifying. Prayer, prayer, prayer.

This is hard, but I’ll be glad I chose adventure (If I survive). :-)

She said she knows I’ll always do great, because I’m not afraid to try new things. I asked what she meant and she gave as an example someone we know who will always stay in her present job situation because it’s familiar and safe. She said most people are like that, but not me.

This really means a lot to me and I will definitely draw strength from that thought during all the trying times to come.

I need to project a calm competence in job interviews, but I’m afraid that, instead, I come off as “Little Sally Talks-a-Lot.” I can’t seem to “sell” myself the way I’m going to need to to get a job with this district.

So off I go into “Microsoft Word” to make a list of my strengths and figure out how best to explain them.

Why is this SO HARD for me?

but it shocked me when I came back to this and saw my user name announcing a GRANDBABY on the way. I’m having trouble getting used to this idea of becoming a grandmother. They’re so wise and kindly (and old…).

I don’t feel that way (I just turned 39).

I’m happy about the baby coming, but I’m having a bit of an identity crisis.

My calf felt tight like it was going to cramp up twice. I’m fearful after what happened in the marathon, and so I slowed to a walk twice. I’m disappointed in myself because I’m pretty sure I’d have turned in a time of UNDER 30 MINUTES, had I pushed myself a little harder. Clock tme of 32:30.

Oh well, I guess it’s something to keep working on.

May sound strange, but I’ve always really envied those people (women) who can think of some decorating or craft idea, size it up, go to the craft store for what they need, and then complete the project.

I tend to go to the craft store, get totally visually overwhelmed, think of an idea for some neat thing I found, look for what I need to go with it, have another idea, keep looking around, pursue vague ideas until my attention gets drawn by something else, and wind up leaving everything there in frustration.

I lack focus and I don’t trust my own taste.

Well, now I’m proud of myself, as I’ve come up with an idea for an ornament that I will love giving everyone this year. In planning and shopping for them, I’ve been decisive and even inventive. It’s actually been FUN.

I think I’ll make that a goal for 2007 – find purposeful focus!

with controlled, righteous anger the other day against 3 petty women who did something childish, unprofessional, and downright mean toward me, and indirectly toward the kids in my class. I’d thought these teachers and I were a team together, so I was VERY shocked and hurt by what they did.

I wrote the incident up and gave it to the principal, and he’s meeting with us all on Tuesday. I may give my two-week notice after that meeting. I gave my write-up to those teachers and told them how I felt about what they did. They now, I’m sure, fear for their jobs and I’m not the least bit sorry for that. I don’t feel I got them in trouble. They did that by their own nasty actions. They WON”T get fired for this, I’m certain. But let them sweat a little.

What I don’t get is – what the hell did they think I was gonna do? Roll over and show my belly?