Post Random Stuff

with the guy I’ve been seeing for a while. I desperately wish I had a phone right now, so I could call a friend and have someone to talk to. But I don’t.
I noticed today that it seemed he had been online on the dating site again.(I can see that without logging on myself) That has happened a couple of times before, and I didn’t say anything then, because I didn’t want to seem like a super jealous person checking up on him. But well, it was hurtful, and I need to trust the person I’m with, so I decided to ask him today. He looked a bit annoyed, he probably did feel like I was checking up on him, and I sort of was of course. He claimed that there had to be some sort of technical error on the dating site, and he hadn’t been on there for a while. I’m not sure if that is true or not, it might be, there has been some errors there before. I don’t know. But then he said that he did have worries about our relationship. He said his dilemma is that he is very attracted to me physically, but the rest is not there. And he mentioned the dogs as a problem.

It is just so unbelievably depressing. Of course, it is better to know now than being led on for a long time. I have been feeling that he has been a bit distant, and worrying about that while at the same time hoping so much that it could still work out has been exhausting. But still. I really was hoping.

The rest of my life is just one big black hole these days, and seeing him was the one bright spot that helped me not focus on the awful things all the time. I had fun and felt good about my life when I was with him. Now I’m back to just the depressing life with problems in all areas, just getting through the days and waking up every night with panic attacks about my finances, Agatha and all the other difficult things. I just don’t see a lot of reasons to get up in the mornings right now.

I’m just having the most frustrating time ever these days. Just need to vent. Argh! Cellphone is still lost, and today, I tried to buy a new one online, since going to stores to find one is hard because of Agatha. I spent a lot of time searching, finally find one, compared prices and found an online store that I have bought stuff from before (always sceptical of spending money at online stores I’ve never heard about). Long story short, after a long and ridiculously annoying process of filling in information over and over and then confirming purchase, I just got a “sorry, technical error” page, and no phone was bought. Oh bloody crap.

Then I took the dogs to the forest, which is a huge hassle because of the absurd amounts of snow. The streets are filled with people working like crazy to dig their cars out, and once the car is out, it’s almost impossible to drive, the streets are so narrow now because of all the snow it’s often only possible for one car to drive at a time, which means a lot of queues and constantly backing up when a car shows up driving in the opposite direction. Once we got to the forrest, I realized we were the first ones there, which meant there were no paths, just snow and more snow, quite often above the poodles heads. We did walk for a bit anyway, and then Cora ruined it by starting to eat you-know-what, I had to run through all the snow to find her and get her away from it, I was totally pissed off, she was on a leasn the rest of the time, and the fun was over. Then there was the loooong process of finding parking, and then later, I’ll start the whole process of digging the car out once more.
I’m also trying to work on inviting my friends over more often and not get all stressed out by thinking the appartment neads to be superclean and tidy and worrying about my cooking. So I decided to invite a friend over for cake tomorrow. She’s one of my best friends, and it’s not dinner just cake, so I thought I would be able not to worry too much about the messy appartment and bad cake (This cake involves yeast, which I am simply terrible at.) She replied “great, I’m bringing my husband and baby”. Her husband has never taken much of an interest in her friends, so I don’t really know him at all, which is why I didn’t invite him. Having someone I hardly know over is a whole different business for me. I know I shouldn’t think I need to clean like crazy because he’s coming, he probably won’t notice anyway, but well, that’s how I am, which is precicely why I invited just her, to pracice my “not clean like a maniac before company comes over”-skills gradually. Plus, it will then be an evening with me and the happy new parents gushing over their little baby, not what I need these days al all.
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

I have lost my beloved cellphone. Argh!! That is so ridiculously annoying for several reasons. First of all, I really, really can’t afford a new one, but I can’t not have a phone so I have to get one. Plus, some favorite pictures of the poodles were on that phone. And, it was my favorite phone ever. I just absolutely loved the design of it, I rarely feel happy just looking at stuff I own, but that phone quite often made me happy just because it was so nice! And they don’t make them anymore.
The thing is, someone has found it. My mom sent me an e-mail saying a foreign sounding man called her yesterday from my number, and hung up after a few words. She thinks he’s using my phone and I’ll be billed for it. He can’t do that anymore if that’s the case, I closed my account yesterday. The thing is, I think he’s just trying to return it. I mean, why else would he call my mother? If you find a phone and want to return it, calling the number for “mum” in the phone list would be a logical way of finding the owner of the phone. I think the phone simply lost battery while he was calling, I know it was low on battery when I lost it. So now it has no battery, and I can’t call the guy. I’ll put up some notes in the area where I lost it I think. But I guess that’s a long shot. Plus, I don’t have a phone now, so I can’t put a phonenumber on the notes, I guess I’ll just have to put my e-mail adress. But if the guy was foreign, he could be someone who quite recently came to the country and don’t have a computer. Sigh.

I’m starting to feel sick, I think I’m on my way to getting a bad cold. I have been feeling sick all day, and it doesn’t help that our office is freezing, even though I have complained about the temperature several times, they can’t seem to turn up the heat. And then today, my editor came in late announcing that she was very sick and had a fever, but it was so boring to stay home and she had work to do, so she took 4 painkillers and came to work anyway. Why do people do that?? Why?? I think some people feel like real heroes when they go to work when they are really sick, but really, all that happens is that they probably stay sick longer and in the process make sure everyone else catches it. Grr!
Have now had all the cold remedies they had at the pharmacy, and lots of orange juice, hope that will help. I just don’t want to deal with being sick right now. Plus, the guy I’m dating is away from Oslo because of work all week, and next week he’s going to Florida for 10 days. So I have been really looking forward to spending some time with him during the weekend, before he leaves again. But I can’t really do that if I’m sick, I don’t want him to catch it and get sick on his trip. Argh!

I’ve now apent a whole week trying to get my car to work again, and so far, it’s still stuck in the same place. In a normal situation, things like this would be very annoying. When I’m feeling seriously down and drained of energy like I am now, it is just too much. HAving to spend so much energy on getting it to work, and having to spend a lot of time every day getting the poodles to the dogsitter and back by public transportation is exhausting.
I finally found a shop that wasn’t sold out on snow showels, and managed to dig my car out of the mountain of snow. So I thought the problem was solved, and happily went to the car to drive the dogs the next morning. No such luck. The car battery was flat, apparently, standing still for days at a time in the cold was not good for the battery. No time to deal with it then, so I had to get on the bus again, and got to work late. Yesterday, I called the company that comes to fix things when cars break down, and a very rude and annoying guy showed up. He explained that there was no way he could start the car, because that requires turning the alarm off and on again, and the button on the car keys that does that don’t work, so I haven’t used the car alarm for a while. So he said I had to go to an alarm specialist store to fix that. I did today, and they said they needed an alarm code to fix the keys. I don’t have any freaking alarm code, I bought the car used and noone gave me any stupid code. So he said I would have to drive the car to their shop so they could fix it. And I explained that the whole problem is that I can’t drive the car, so I can’t drive it to their shop. He then said that what the idiot told me last night about not being able to start the car was nonsense. Apparently, there is a way to turn the alarm on and off when the keys don’t work, it’s very easy and takes just a few minutes. He said that if the guy who came to help me seriously didn’t know how to do that, he should look for another job.
So now I have called the car rescue company again, trying to explain the situation to some very rude girl. In the end she promised to get a driver to call me about it in a few hours. But it might very well be the same guy, or some other idiot who doesn’t know how to start it. If that happens, I guess I’ll have to call them a third time tomorrow when the alarm store is open, have them pick up the car on a truck and take it there. But it might take time before they can work on it there, and when they do, the battery will still be flat, requiring even more assistance from the stupid company. And in the meantime, my days are unbelievably exhausting, and I get nothing done beacause of Agatha, not even grocery shopping.
OMG, this is driving me insane!

Crappy, crappy day so far. Just have to do a little venting! We have hardly had snow at all this winter, but on sunday, it started snowing, and it hasn´t stopped since. Which means, the poodle express is completely covered in snow, and I can´t get it out. It is parallel parked uphill, which means getting it out in slippery snow is very difficult in itself, and now they have cleared the street, throwing all the snow on my car, and it´s just impossible. Which means I now have to get the dogs to the dogsitter using public transportation, which is chronically late, with overcrowded buses. Standing on buses trying to hold on to something not to fall, and at the same time trying to protect the poodles from being kicked or stepped on by any of the about a million other passengers is seriously stressful.
And worse, it is quite impossible to get any shopping done, including grocery shopping, I 100% depend on my car to get anything done at all, because that is the only place Agatha can be alone for short periods of time. Crap! The guy I´ve been seeing tried to help me get the car out yesterday, but he couldn´t do it either. Crapcrapcrap. And just to make things better, hiccup seems to have settled in for the day, he was out taking pictures all day yesterday, which means he´ll probably stay in all day today. And I have forgotten to charge my ipod battery, so soon my only way to avoid the ridiculously annoying noise will not be available anymore. ARRGGHH!!

Sometimes other dog owners can really drive me insane! We came home from our evening walk last night and met a dog who lives in the building, a huge fighting dog breed. I know from experience the dog is nice enough off leash, and quite agressive on leash. So I held my dogs tight and tried to walk past them as far away as possible. The dog sure enough started barking aggressively. The woman said she was sorry, and explained that the dog is not nice to other dogs when on a leash. And then she loosened the leash just enough for the dog to leap forward and attack Agatha, who was standing against a wall and had no way to escape. Noone was hurt, but still, what the hell???? You just told me your dog is agressive on leash, and then prove it by letting it attack my dogs? OMG, bloody idiot. And she lives in the building, so it might very well happen again.

Then today, we went to the park. Agatha was proudly carrying her beloved tennis ball. Then we met some other dogs, Agatha dropped the ball in the greeting seremony, and another dog picked it up. The girl who owned the dog took the ball, and her boyfriend pointed out that it wasn’t their ball. “Who cares, we’ll just take this one, our dog won’t know the difference” the stupid idiot said. And then they walked off, throwing the ball to their dog, with Agatha running around them looking very frustrated and confused. Idiots! In the end, I actually had to follow them and point out that it was Agathas ball and get it back. Which made me feel rather stupid, since tennis balls are of course worth nothing in money. But lots of dogs have favorite toys that they protect and love, and I thought any dog owner would be sensible enough to realize that and ask the owners around if the toy belongs to them, instead of simply taking it. Especially as Agatha was clearly running around them trying to claim it back. Argh!

temperatures like minus 11 degrees (celcius) should not be allowed! I have to go out and walk the dogs for an hour now, which is hard in general when it’s completely dark outside, the ridiculously cold weather does not help at all! Hate cold weather. The poodles are happy as always though, being covered in poodle wool, they generally don’t mind the cold. Their human on the other hand.. Sigh.

at all the lovely pink christmas avatars around here!! The christmas poodles and I are very pleased! ;)

So, I just wanted to wish all my lovely 43T friends a wonderful Christmas! I’m going to my parents house in an hour and two for a few days of christmas vacation there. I might check in here every now and then, but having the whole “parents googling me and finding blog I thought was anonymous”-disaster fresh in my mind, I’m quite terrified of leaving traces and having them find my 43T profile, so I will probably have to stay away most of the time.

Well, some last minute chaotic packing now, and then I’m off to meet my curlygirls, who I havent seen in more than two weeks!

Have a lovely Christmas everyone!!

^{why don’t they have a formatting code to make text pink? Quite shocking it is!}

The same things always happens when my parents are watching the dogs for a week or two. I get all exited about finally being able to do whatever I want without having to get dogsitters, and make lots of plans. And people keep cancelling. Sigh, so very frustrating! I was supposed to meet a friend at a cafe last night, but she sent me a message durng the day saying she was way behind with things she needed to get done, asking if we could meet another day. She suggested today, but I said I couldn’t, because I was finally going to meet the guy I’ve bee e-mailing with on the dating site today. I spent wuite some time getting ready for that, and now he just sent me a message saying he has a really bad cold and has to stay home. We did agree to meet tuesday instead though, so it seems it’s not an excuse to not meet me at least. But sigh, all of a sudden I have no saturday night plans after all. I can ask the friend I was supposed to meet if she still wants to do something today though, but she might have made plans by now. Sigh.