learn to love again

I didn’t realize how guarded I am now because of the past. Last year I had a boyfriend who truly loved me and appreciated me. I sabotaged the relationship as soon as I knew how he felt and broke his heart. My actions surprised even me. I thought everyone WANTS to be loved, especially me. That’s what I thought anyway. But once I thought about it the people that I should let care for me I take for granted and don’t let them really know me and basically chase them away. It’s too hard to just let them love me because I’m scared if I love them back I’ll lose them, death is inevitable. That saying “tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all” is not true for me. I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I tried to love again and am always left in some way. In romantic situations I’m only comfortable with caring for people that are unavailable and a relationship will never get very far. I suppose it’s subconscious. But I’m going to work towards learning to open myself up to love again. The opportunities are all around me.