Be mentally stable

I started feeling depressed again yesterday. First of all, a crazy bitch at work lied to my boss that I called her a crazy bitch. Yeah I think she’s a crazy bitch but I didn’t say it to her. Second of all, I got into a fight with my fiance. Third of all, I lost my driver’s license.

I was feeling so anxious that I could barely sleep last night. Then today I was spacing out. People were talking to me and I was just kind of in La La Land.

About 4 years ago I took a piano class. I was going through depression and some side effects I experienced were lack of concentration and low self-esteem. I couldn’t concentrate on the class at all and I was intimidated by the musical notes so I dropped the class.

Now I’m not really depressed anymore. I’m taking another piano class and I’m doing really well. I’m learning to read music notes with ease.

Because of my depression, I also developed low self-esteem and I was always second guessing myself. I’m trying to change that and I’m getting better at it. Two days ago Comcast sent me some equipment and I installed the whole thing all by myself without help. That really boosted my self-esteem.

I’ve had low self-esteem since I was a kid. Older adults teasing me, not having support from others in general, and my unstable head make me have low self-esteem. I’m a smart girl but the way I portray myself make people think I’m stupid.

Yesterday, my boss gave me work to do. I found it to be an easy task, and I noticed a discrepancy so I asked him about it. He said something like, “See, you can figure it out. You have to start believing in yourself.” I guess he notices that I’m not confident.

Every time I hear about a new assignment, I doubt myself and people notice that. I’m sure most people at work think I’m not competent. That’s not true! I’m a really smart girl. When I was in school, I was always one of the smartest kids in class. I need to work on building my confidence up and show people how smart I am.

I’m still not mentally stable yet. Lately I’ve been hyper.

Yesterday I started to feel bored and lonely again. This made me depressed. I quickly changed my way of thinking because I hate that feeling. Instead of putting myself through that mental craziness again, I started doing something about my boredom. I joined a few groups that I found on www.meetup.com. I wanna make some new friends and be more involved in my community.

I notice that my concentration is a lot better than before. I’m no longer a slow-mo kind of person. I’ve been training my mind to make everything better. So far so good.

I worry too much and I over-analyze things a lot. It’s giving me a headache. Sometimes I worry about things that never even happened. I worry about the past, the present, the future…I’m just too much of a worry wart.

I hate it when people complain all day, everyday. However, recently I notice that I’m that person! How awful. I worry about things and I don’t know how to keep it to myself. I worry and think out loud, and I think that I’m actually annoying other people. I need to stop.

My symptoms:
1. depression
2. mild case of OCD
3. insomnia
4. anxiety
5. stress
6. lack of concentration

I don’t have OCD anymore. Yes!! I learned how to be more positive on not get stressed out over things that could be solved. My depression comes and goes. In the past few weeks I haven’t been feeling depressed. Ever since my depression improved, I no longer have insomnia or lack of concentration. I still get anxious a lot, tho.

My biggest changes?
1. stop stressing over things that happened in the past
2. do things to keep myself busy so I won’t get bored
3. don’t think too much about the future – live in the present
4. do more of the things that make me happy – hang out with bf, friends, family, activities, etc.
5. toss out “friends” that irritate me