focus all my unfocused bitterness

“If everone else in his school gets their report card friday and Adam does not, we have a problem.”

Fuckbag hasn’t mastered spell check?

If you don’t hear from me, look for me to be buried in the backyard…

It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked.

AND Did I mention, It sucked!!!

Mediation resolved nothing. I have to go do this again, between 90 120 days.

I’d rather roll around naked in a pile of broken glass and then go swimming in a pool of alcohol.

January 8!

Yep, he pulled the trigger. Fuckbag is officially taking me to court.

Because he is “unwilling and unable” to pay up…

Of course, that RV he just bought has nothing to do with any of this.

Hey, wanna hear a story about an RV? LMFAO I picked up the kids Sunday for my mom’s bday party. We drove by the city lot that runs along the highway. Surly Jr says “look at the piece of junk RV there. That’s dad’s. Why does he park it in the city lot? It’s embarrassing. People might see it and know it’s my redneck dad’s.”

I say, “well, he’s got to park it somewhere I guess.” And then I changed the subject. But there is still smoke coming out of my ears.

Funny how he can’t pay for his kids, but he can drive around his fat ass in an RV. And soak his fat ass in a hot tub…

And I could continue, but M keeps telling me I need to let it go.

I can’t.

I hate this shit.

Is there a lawyer in the house? Legal question, do lawyers take on clients even if they know the client ain’t right?

Fuckbag got himself a lawyer, who replied to my request.

His lawyer filled their reply with mud slinging. And mud slinging that is way off topic might I add. (It’s not easy being a complete fuckup btw)

Topic at hand, he isn’t paying for what he said he would.

What does that have to do with me? It’s about HIM not paying.

Sheesh, all the childish crap they wrote in there, I was kinda expecting some attacks on my mother too. Yo mamma is so stupid, she got fired from a blow job.

And that’s why I can’t pay for my kids…

He’s gonna sue ME!!!

Yes, you heard that right. That was the topic of this week’s rant, over several days, might I add. OK, shouldn’t he know better than to harrass me? Isn’t he supposed to talk to my lawyer and not make threats to me? Whatever…

Since I got me a lawyer and I had him send Fuckbag a letter about how he’s not paying for the kid’s school, Fuckbag is gonna sue me.

I’m not quite sure on the details yet.

I just know me hiring a lawyer in some way has inconvienced him, therefore, I should be sued. My lawyer and I haven’t even filed papers with the court yet!!!

God Bless America

As predicted, Fuckbag responded with “I am not in favor of Catholic school anymore.” His reason is sex abuse by clergy.

At this point, let me say, the schools my children are in have never been involved in any allegations of that sort.

And let me add, the public school Surly Jr would currently be attending, had a SHOOTING this week.

This is exactly why my children attend Catholic schools.

Fuckbag’s other reasons for not paying, I can better afford it and I am therefore being unreasonable asking him to pay half.

WHAT???

He also believes I have not purchased uniforms for the children and therefore, he is not going to contribute. Does he believe the children go to school naked? It’s Catholic school! They must were uniforms. If he does not purchase them, who does he think does?

He also believes the children’s grades are not indicative of Catholic education being beneficial. LMFAO What would the grades be if the children were dodging bullets?

Now, the ball is in my court. I have three options:

1. Just let it go, and continue to accept what ever financial contributions he feels he should make.
2. Go to mediation
3. Go right to court

I think I’m in favor of mediation, for now. If that fails, court.

I wish he wasn’t such an asshole. I wish this shit wasn’t necessary. :(

Ya know… He makes me physically sick.

I’m so wound up about this whole lawyer thing.

Hey Fuckbag, Karma is a bitch. Watch out for it.

I honestly can’t say that I’m jealous. I don’t want what he has in ANY form. I don’t want him or what he has to offer, and I don’t want to BE him either. He’s living a life I find totally unappealing. I never want to be married again.

So, why do you care?

I’ve been thinking about this all week. Why do I care if he gets married? What difference does that make to my life?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I don’t let anything go.

I still can hear what he said. Everything. I hear it over and over and over.

I still can feel him on me. The way he grabbed me, held me down, etc, etc, I don’t want to talk about it.

That’s why I care.

Oh Surly, just get over it.

No. I can’t. Do you know what he did to me? I don’t want to know.

I can’t put a lot of it into words. Can’t or won’t, which word is it? You pick.

I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t talk about it. I’m ashamed, I feel sorry for myself, I feel guilty, if only I could have done something different… None of it would have happened. He wouldn’t have changed into that monster. If I were a better wife, it wouldn’t have happened. He wouldn’t have been so angry, so controling, so disgustingly abusive… If only I had done something different, said something different, been somebody different.

But I did nothing. I let it happen.

And I let it continue to happen over and over and over again.

Geesh, what a dumbass!

Sometimes it’s so hard to live with myself. No, I’m not suicidal.

I think I care because he doesn’t DESERVE to be happy.

Then today, it dawned on me… Just because he’s getting married doesn’t mean he’s happy.

Meh. Fuck him. I’m thinking too much about a person and a situation that is completely unworthy of my time and attention. I need a drink. Who’s with me?

I would have been married for 17 years today, had I not married a mean drunk fuckbag that is…