kiss

“What was that? Was that me? Was that him? Did a Prince really kiss me? And kiss me? And kiss me? And did I kiss him back?” – The Baker’s Wife, “Moments In The Woods” from Into The Woods by Steven Sondheim.

Need I say more?

I can handle rejection. I know at least 2 other guys who do want to kiss me so this is only a minor blip in the radar of the awesomeness of Tagodan.

Why didn’t he want to kiss me?

Like I said, it’s cool. It’s just that the two other guys live so far away I won’t be seeing them for a while.

Why did he say no?

It was me who made the first move. I wanted to kiss him and I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t.

Does it count if it’s in a dream?

‘Cause that’s the only action I’m getting these days…

‘He’ being the best friend I fell in love with, even though he told me he loves me ‘like a sister.’

We were talking about facial hair and I told him I wasn’t attracted to anyone with lots of facial hair because when I was growing up all my father figures (a few male teachers, my great-uncle who was practically my grandfather, a few uncles and of course, my dad) had full facial hair.
And he said, “What about mine?” It was sparse stubble because he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days. It’s not full like the father figures in my life, but it’s visible.
And I said, “I wouldn’t want to kiss anyone with a full beard, except maybe Eomer (Karl Urban) in Lord of the Rings because damn that man is sexy.” For some reason, Eomer doesn’t scream, ‘Father figure!” whereas Aragorn does. I mean, a choice between Aragorn or Legolas would automatically be Legolas because he has no facial hair. Sure, Viggo Mortenson is great, but the beard puts me off. (It’s not a great picture but it’s got all three of them in it.)

So, while he was teasing me, he said, “Come on, give us a kiss then.”
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And I said no. Because I knew he wasn’t serious.
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Damn it, I should have taken him up on that offer.

It would be nice to do this again. I miss kissing. I’ve been missing it for a few years now. I write about passionate, stolen, soft and gentle kisses often enough in my fiction, and I’m always thinking about different situations and what kisses would really work. But damn, it would be nice to share a kiss with someone I love.
The person I love doesn’t love me and I am afraid he doesn’t even think of me that way anymore. So I do not have the guts to kiss him.
But I think about it. Oh boy, do I think about it.