Loose control just once...and remember everything

So I moved back to Canada after living in China for two years… Hello extacy

I have always been afraid of looseing control. I think that’s why I don’t do drugs or get too too drunk. I always think to much about what I say or said. So just once I want to not care, just let myself go….. How I will do this I don’t know but i would like to feel free just once and remember everything that happened.