I’ve been feeling a call to live with more meaning lately. The feelings of emptiness I have because of my lack of an intimate relationship and children remind me that my meaning needs to come from within, not without. Even if I marry and have a family, they can’t be the source of my meaning – it’s not good for them or for me.
I feel I should be volunteering again, and perhaps considering work that has more meaning for me, even though I’ve only had this job a year and it is a good job. I want to love my job, go to work energized, to have a job that I’d do even if no one was paying me.
It’s scary to think that the result of this process might mean a new job or career, especially since I’m considering buying a house. But this feeling of hopelessness and meaninglessness washes over me with too much frequency. Life is too short to not be living with meaning, with purpose. And maybe the result of this process won’t be a new job, but new volunteer work and a sense of overall meaning and purpose.
What would people say about me at my funeral? What would I like them to say? What kind of work could I be doing that would attract the kind of partner I want to have (like the man I met recently going to work for Doctors Without Borders)? I can help people, love people more than I do now. I think writing a personal mission statement would help me focus on the actions needed to live with meaning.
