stop loving her

and may never really be.

I don’T know anything about her life since December, so 7 months ago. How can I still love someone who hurt me so much, who was so bad to me in the last months of our relationship and who I have no news of since the last 7 months?

It would have baan a year yesterday that we would have been married had she not cancelled at the last minute.

I really thought I was done with this, I was not thinking about her, I was feeling good about being alone, I was generally and genuinely happy, but I am in a relapse it seems. In the last couple of days, I’ve been thinking about her because it’s been one year 2 days ago since she moved out. One year already. She hurt me so much, yet I can’t forget how much I was happy with her and how cruel she was when she let me. Do I stille love her? Yes, I know I do, but I also know that the anniversary is the reason why it’s tough these days. There are other tough anniversary, as in 8 days, it would have been our first wedding anniversary, had she not cancel everything at the last minute.
I’ve been alone ever sine, waiting in vain her return, thinking about how she did me wrong and being incapable of hating her…
I wish I was able to just stop loving her, but it will be tough, I knew the first day that I was with her that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, I waited 18 months to ask her hand and still to this day, I would do the unthinkable and accept her back after the way she mistreated me.
I’m pathetic.

I thought my life was getting perfect, I was happy, totally happy. Then I lost perspective of what I had and made a mistake. I overreacted over a problem that wasn’t very important, but at the time it seemed a major issue. Our relationship started to go down the drain from there and to my surprise, she started taking steps towards a separation. I knew right then that eventually she would leave me and I didn’t know how to prevent it, so I panicked and made more mistakes. Nothing unforgivable, but it seems that it was too many in a too short time, because she left me a couple of months ago. Now I’m alone, she’s with someone new and I know her, she has convinced herself that it’s better that way, that she made the right choice, but last year, at the same date, she was in love with me and we were going to get married. In a few months, a couple of words and a couple of bad reactions led to the destruction of the most beautiful relationship I have ever had with the only girl I’ve ever loved in my adult life. Now I’m alone, 33 years old and I feel as if my life is over. She’s going to have kids with someone else, prend the rest of her life with someone else, but it was going to be me and we blew it, for a stupid mistake I made of loosing perspective about how happy I was and what was more important in the world to me : her.