Beat Life Burnout

I was finally was able to forgive myself for a couple things, one of which was a situation I was born into. Acceptance can be a really good thing and is often necessary in order to move on.

Last week was going pretty good, but I put too much pressure on myself too soon and I’m choking slightly. I’m giving myself a little break, then I’ll re-evaluate my position and come up with a new plan.

The good news is that by the time I’m finally out of this, I will be an absolute pro at jumpstarting myself.

I’m doing my best to not let fear shut me down, and I think it’s fair to say I’m winning. Not by much, but I’m certainly not losing. The web site design is going pretty well; I had a couple minor blips, but so far, so good. Overall, it’s helping because I have a project to sink my teeth in to. Something that actually matters.

I’ve been doing much better with letting go of the knee-jerk judgments about every single thing I do. Cutting slack in certain areas and apply healthy pressure in others is starting to show it’s benefit. I’m definitely enjoying the good things more and dreading the bad stuff less.

I’m trying to not shut down, like I usually do. I had another exploding teeth dream. So vivid. I think I checked each tooth about 4 times before deciding that, yes, it really was a dream. I’m pretty sure it’s because I think my life is about to take a nosedive. I don’t know exactly why I think this, but were I to wager a guess, I believe it’s because I’ve got a couple projects in the works. One is a web site and the other my motion design portfolio.

I know I’m putting a massive amount of unwarranted pressure on myself because I’ve tried to do both these projects in the past. One went horribly wrong and the other just never went. It’s so important that I do these things, but I can’t seem to yank the pressure off myself. It’s like a hose – a certain amount of pressure is necessary to get you a nice jet, but too much will just kink the hose. My hose is definitely kinked right now.

I’ve been watching a fair amount of movies and tv, reading intermittently, playing computer games regularly and started writing in my journal again. Obviously, I need to add more. I’ll focus this week on getting more exercise, more sleep, more humor and more fun art stuff. Luckily I have a couple of awesome friends who help get me out of the house to do fun things.

I don’t even have a clue how to do this. I’m apathetic and don’t care about anything, mostly because everything just kind of hurts right now. Being apathetic is treating symptoms and not the cause, but I don’t know how to get past my own crap long enough to start the ball rolling.