be anorexic

so i got that bathing suit and now i just want to look like the girl in the add insted of what i do now. compare the to. im obviously the fat one. without a doubt. FATTY. its gross. but swimmign started today and ive already lost 2 pounds. not going to jinx it tho.

why does diet Coke have ZERO calories, but diet Pepsi has ONE?

hmm…

anybody tried it?
ive been thinking of getting it but not sure if its worth the like25$ it costs…?

Ana

Starvation
I’m hungry
Why won’t you let me eat?

Depression
I’m crying
Why are you always around?

Scream
I’m shouting
Why are taking everything from me?

Lonliness
I’m friendless
Why does everyone hate you?

Denial
I’m happy
Why do you hover over my life?

Forgiving
I’m hatefull
Why can’t I survive without you?

Anorexia
I’m gone
I ran away with you, my friend.

And so yea… im not really friendless, but the first time i told a couple of my close friends that i had “food isues” they got really mad and we werent really tight anymore, and so i told them i stopped, even tho i didnt really… i just slowed down for a bit. And so im not telling them now but that in myself is sort of hurting out friendships.

I hate food, and i hate that i dont hate it. I should hate it. I hate what it does to me, But i can’t make myself hate it. And i hate that.
I ate alot today when i said i would only eat dinner, so tomorrow I am going to fast, and if all goes well i may try and fast a second day after that as well.
anyone want to join me?
my email is: the.essence.of.time@hotmail.com

Hey Girls!

So, last wednesday night, my best friends mom died. It was super duper unexpected and when I found out the next morning i completly broke down. I went to the funeral on friday and then over the weekend I just sat around feeling bad and eating. It was NOT good. So I’ve decided that I will do my best this week, but not completly freak because my swimming starts full time for the summer next week (yay) !. I’m a competitive summer swimmer by the way, just if you were wondering. So what happens is I usually have a practice in the morning before school and a practice after school as well, sometimes io only have one a day tho, but usually two everday during the week, and then on the weekends I usually have swim meets so i wont just be left at home to look at the kitchen so I’ll be less likely to give in then. Also, I can not eat in the morning when im swimming, and so that will birn major calories. I’m super excited.
ANYWAY,
hows it going for you girls?
i havnt weighed myself since wednesday morning when i was 119 (one pound less then the monday) but i probabaly gained a bit more now. So yea.
If anyone wants to email then ive put it out there before but here’s my email again:
The.essence.of.time@hotmail.com

Oh, and sorry for making this so long! =P

Think Thin!
xoxoxox

so ttoday i sort of messed up
i only decided yesterday to come back to ana
and so today i didnt eat until i got home and them i was planning on only eating a few strawberry’s or something, but im so used to eating normal that i had a whole meal!
and then for dinner my family always forces me to eat, so im going to try and purge it all afterwars, and see if i can do it, i hope i can!
and tomorrow im not going to eat, ill go to bed as soon as i get home so that i dont have to have dinner

think thin <3

I’m Back!
I tryed the healthy way…and it SUCKS
I’m 120 again
maybe even more
i HATE food!
i HATE my family for force feeding me
and ive decided id rather die from being to thin then never be thin at all
i want to be 110 for my birthday party
which is in about 2 months
so i know i bailked out on u all in a cruel and horrible way
but does anyone wanna email back and forth for support or anything?
my email: the.essence.of.time@hotmail.com
i think im going to fast tommorrow
and me and my friends are going to start doing kickboxing =P
so that should be good
i cant WAIT until summer swimming starts up, at least one practice a day, usually 2, hard core EXCERSIZE
and on the weekends ive got swim meets so i wont be left alone just food and me
=)

think thin girls! <3

hey girls
Im sorry, but im going to have to leave you. I’ve made up my mind to give up the ana lifestyle, I want to be thin, yes. But I also want to be happy and healthy, and being anorexic has done neither of those things for me. I have nothing against all of you, I’m just not cut out for this. I am going to eat 2 full meals a day (if i do eat more i will never go over 1500 calories a day), and do some form of cardio everyday, but not excessivly. If anyone wants to join me in this, Id be more then happy to have a bit of a support group.
my email: the.essence.of.time@hotmail.com
btw, my old account was fullofshit (it was deleted) for those of you who dont recognize this one.
bye,
-Rachel

That was my account…and they deleted it? Or i think they did….I can’t get onto it so I’m assuming they did. I’m not sure why tho…Anyone got any idea’s? :S