be more confident

Having just written an entry on my anxiety goal I’m no longer sure if I really do have a confidence problem or if I’m just introverted and lazy?

I don’t really get much opportunity to go out and exploit my levels of confidence. I realise that a confident person would go out and do new things all the time as natural course, but when I realistically think about all the things I could do if I wanted to, I don’t really hit any barrier, just my own laziness.

But I dunno, maybe I’m wrong. I have made a friend over the internet recently who nags and nags at me to meet him in person… now I don’t want to do that because I feel… well, I don’t want to. I’m a quieter person and from past experience meeting net friends doesn’t always go well. In fact, it’s really kinda awkward if the other person is not overly confident too, there’s a lot of deafening silence and humiliating small talk. I’ve figured out, at least one of you needs to be some kind of mental. =\

Someone help me determine: lack of confidence or wretched procrastination?

I feel I’m really coming on with this goal now, but there’s still a real long way to go.

I was sat in town yesterday waiting for my mum to come out of a shop. While I was there, an Aussie guy came up and asked if there were any historical places in the town other than the ones he had already seen (I was sat in one, the Buttercross, see attached pic). I said, “there’s the castle just up the road” to which he said he may check it out. He then asked for a photo of himself infront of the church and Buttercross (both are neighbouring), after which he thanked me and I said he was welcome.

A few minutes after the guy disappeared, another guy sat just along from me (he’d been there the whole time) said he hated the weather, to which I replied, “it’s about due though with all the sun we had last week” (the Great British weather lol). I swear, I can remember a time where if this had happened, I would have probably just mumbled “yeah” and looked the other way.

lol, I realise that this probably doesn’t seem much of a big deal but I impressed myself looking back on it. I spoke, to two different people, without stuttering or mumbling, and on a rainy day too. I should sit around town more often…

I seem to be making even more progress with improving my self-confidence! I’m making eye contact SO much now, whereas not long ago I couldn’t hold it for more than a second… I felt embarassed doing it.

I’m also talking to people alot more. I talk to my sisters’ boyf more than I used to, and (some of you may know) I’m taking snowboarding lessons… I’ve amazed myself with how much I’m talking to my instructors. Although, it’s wierd that I’m taking lessons at all, I wouldn’t even consider doing something new like this.

I guess I’m getting pretty close to ticking this one off! Woo!

This time six months ago, I was scared to go to the shop, when strangers asked me how to get to Pontefract bus station, I’d bow my head and mumble, and I would do anything to avoid meeting new people. That’s all changed….

In the past few months, I’ve gritted my teeth and pushed myself out of my comfort zone… and it seems to be paying off. Take today, for example; I went into town with my mum and while she was in Boots, I helped a stranger find his way to HSBC. My mind went blank when he asked… I still tried my hardest to help. Ok, so I mis-directed him, but I spoke clearly, and even plucked up the confidence to ask a passer-by where the bank was…. something I wouldn’t dream of doing a few months ago.

So…. go me!!