3 reports submitted in 4 weeks time.
Week 1 – Report 1.
ADD: 1; Chronic Fatigue: 1
2 all-nighters (3 hours sleep per night).
Report planned and written with difficulty. Exhausted due to my poor working memory. Found a good strategy around it but was burned out by then.
Client gave a raving review.
Deadline comfortably respected.
Week 2 – No report due.
Spent the week doing light tasks and recovering from week 1.
Week 3 – Report 2.
ADD: 0; Chronic Fatigue: 1
Report 2 is due even though I’m not done recovering. Spent 3 days in bed (a mix of working from home and cutting work days short).
Report 2 is heavily based on Report 1. Made it in a fraction of the time. Only one all-nighter for this one.
Usually tight-lipped boss was extremely satisfied. Said he understood why the client was so happy with Report 1.
Deadline: Even more comfortably respected.
No client feedback yet.
Week 4 –
ADD: 0; Chronic Fatigue 1.
Burned out by now but can’t recover. Report 4 and report 2 are due only 2 business days apart… Which is why I couldn’t get Report 3 started until the VERY last minute.
Was too tired / fed up to start over the week-end (I would normally spend the week-end staring at a blank page trying to write but decided against it this time).
Spent 26 hours in intensive writing sprint.
Handed it in too last minute. Big Boss stayed up until 10 h 00 p.m. to revise it. Big Boss was disappointed in the timing but says he understood my work load prior.
I know I should have submitted parts sooner so that he could start
and finish comfortably.
I feel guilty, unprofessional and… just not on top of things for it. Especially seeing as to how nice Big Boss is about it. I really don’t believe I deserve his benevolence. And I don’t see how he can tolerate me much longer, his elastic has to snap at some point.
Big Boss seemed fairly satisfied with the work.
Quite impressed with my speed.
Surprised at the complexity of the analysis, which he had underestimated.
I’m sure this is work that he was proud to present to the client.
But again, he was disappointed in the timing.
Personally, I think it’s some of my best work ever for that client.
I’m encouraged at my ease. No headaches. No cognitive struggling. No struggling with the analysis, structure or decision making. More importantly, no struggling with language, which is huge for me. It flowed. It was easy.
I’m so frustrated. Had plenty of brain power to write this one. But I missed the ONE deadline that really mattered.
I’m disappointed in myself. Though I know I did do my best.
In terms of quality, I’m up to speed.
In terms of productivity, my best is not enough for this job…
If I had to do it again, I think I would have insisted with the client on waiting a few more days to submit Report 4. She knows that she’ll always get excellent quality… And our work is worth the wait.
But I don’t know whether it would have changed anything. Whether I would have found it in me to start and finish earlier to respect the last deadline.
I might very well have failed myself and my boss again.
But asking for better conditions is my responsibility.
I’m not a point where I can afford anything less than the best conditions.
It’s like I want it so badly, I commit to things I’ll will myself into doing but run out of steam before the finish line.