be honest

I’m going through my goals at the moment, and I thought about this one for awhile, and decided it’s time to tick it off. I’ve been working very hard lately to be honest with people, as I’ve slowly learnt that the outcome is always better.

In my current relationship I’ve been totally honest. Not trying to hide the past, or to cover up if an ex calls me out of the blue etc. I don’t want to hide things like that, because it just causes more dramas. If you lie about something, then it means you have something to hide. Which I don’t. P and I both accepted the fact that we each have pasts (including ex’s), and we want to focus on making a life together in the present, rather than dwelling on something that happened before we met each other. After a few speed humps, we’re getting better at this!

So this goal is ticked as done, but also as something I want to do again, as it will really be an ongoing goal.

I had a very honest discussion with my friend tonight and seemed to clear a few things up. I actually amazed myself at how truthful I was and he seemed to appreciate it.

I was right in that he had the wrong impression about my feelings and thought I wanted much more than a friendship. I tactfully explained to him that this wasn’t the case, and that I was still just wanted a friendship. He visited my family last Christmas at home and he said he interpreted the invitation to mean more than it did. But this has been cleared up so it is fine now.

He also had made some slandering comments about another close friend of mine and I explained that I’d been annoyed over these, however he apologised and said he’d been joking, but may have taken it too far.

So after a long discussion and uncrossing a few wires, our friendship seems to be on the road to recovery. I think I’ll just have to be careful about invitations in future and make it clear that I’m not after anything more than friendship!! I guess that’s a constant hurdle when males and females are friends though isn’t it? It can be easy to misinterpret situations.

Oh and there was no mention of the meal he cooked. There is such a thing as being too honest. I’ll just leave that one alone :)

I’m not going to tick this goal off quite yet…. I think I still have a long road to go down before this comes easy to me.

Every time I think I can tick this off, I have another issue. Now it’s not that I’m being dishonest as such, it’s just that I have issues confronting people and telling them how I feel. So I end up just avoiding them until everyone is thoroughly confused.

A friend of mine admitted that he considered breaking up with his girlfriend so he could start a relationship with me. I was mildly horrified for a number of reasons. Firstly at the fact that he obviously doesn’t have much commitment to his current relationship and secondly that he thought I’d go out with him if he was single. I have been friends with this guy for close to 8 years and never once have I been interested in anything more than a friendship, but he obviously has a high opinion of himself because he has the impression that we’ve never gone out before because he’s always had a girlfriend in the past.

The temptation to bring his ego screaming back to earth is very strong. I would love to tell him that the reason we have never gone out isn’t because he’s always had a girlfriend – it’s because I’ve NEVER been interested. And I ask you this, why would I want to start a relationship with someone who evidently has a total lack of commitment. Not to mention the fact that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she put on too much weight – I’m not going to comment on that one – there are TOOOOO many things to say.

I got annoyed at him on the weekend because he started talking about ‘the future’ together, but then later said he has no intention of breaking up with his girlfriend. It’s like he’s expecting me to just wait around for when he is ready. I just wish I could tell him that:

1. I’m not interested in going out with him, nor have I ever
2. I’m not going to ‘wait’ for someone to breakup
3. The way he is treating his girlfriend is disgraceful
4. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I need to be pitied
5. And lastly, that the dinner he cooked me last week was ordinary, and so was the wine

Ok, so I MAY not ever tell him the last point… that would be bordering on just plain mean!

He knows I’m annoyed at him as I cancelled the plans we had on the weekend and haven’t really spoken to him much since. But I just don’t have the courage to tell him the truth at the moment. I’m going to have to eventually though. Argh the whole situation just makes me want to scream!!

A person that I work with asked me out the other day. And not just on a date, he wanted to skip that whole component and jump completely into a relationship. He is moving to the other side of the country in 2 weeks so even if I was interested, the relationship would be a long distance one from day one. Long distance relationships are hard enough without the added stress of not having any initial time together. Rather than giving him false hope by being indecisive with my answer, I came straight out and told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea. I must admit, the conversation wasn’t the most enjoyable after that, however it was much better than lying about it and stressing for days over how I’d tell him the truth. I actually found myself on the verge of being dishonest and luckily I stopped myself before any words came out of my mouth. And I’m very grateful for that now. Honesty really is the better option…

This goal has stemmed from a recent ‘issue’ which is entirely my own fault.

In short, a person I worked with discovered that I thought he was hot. I discovered he reciprocated this, but not before I discovered he was married. Oh and with two children. Common sense told me to steer well clear of the situation, but a series of short flirty e-mails followed.

This all happened before I moved to the other side of the country. Rather than telling the guy I had no intention of ever pursuing the relationship further due to the whole marriage thing, I figured it would all be forgotten when I moved.

Well I wasn’t safe for long as he tracked me down and continued to e-mail me. I ignored most of these, hoping he’d get the hint. He hasn’t. So I should have been honest and just told him outright that I have no intention of ever starting anything with him because I don’t get involved with people who are already involved (been cheated on before – wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy).

But instead, here I am, hiding in an internet cafe, because his ship has travelled half way around the county and happens to have stopped in the port where I now live. In the 50m walk to the internet cafe from my car, of course I saw him. Stupid small town. I’m working up the courage to walk back to my car… I really don’t want to run into him again.

How do I get myself into these situations???!!