At the beginning of each month in 2012, review my resolutions for the year

Mastery program
I am so proud of how well I’ve attended to self-care during this busy month! I went to Miami Beach for a weekend and NYC for a weekend. Both were amazing and I learned a TON about myself. It was also tiring. I had not expected so much depth to the work we do in Mastery. Even Miami was illuminating and I had thought of it as a light funfunfun weekend. It was that, and more. Standing naked in the ocean, surrounded by a hundred women, under the supermoon, was healing.

I’m so glad that we’re given so many tools in the program. It’s horribly frustrating to be told what to do or not do without any tools to help you and this program has tools, tools, tools. I’m using them, too. I Spring Clean, brag, do gratitudes, and write my desires at least five times a week. I am so grateful for the program and the community.

In June, I want to honor where I am, which is a quieter, inner-focused place in which I am not interested in showing up for other people. I am interested in showing up for myself. Graduation is in June, so one more trip to NYC. I want to continue with the exquisite self-care and deep listening that seems most important now.

Monthly column
I just submitted my June column. I also sent an email of thanks to our editor and the other columnists. That felt good. In June, I’d like to write and submit my July column and request bios and pics from the poets I’m featuring in August and October.

Divine Abundance Group/Coaching with AB
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I cannot recommend this methodology enough for anyone who’s interested in a consistent, sensually joyful connection with the Divine. I’m connecting to my Divine Beloved regularly, sometimes during the ten-minute morning meditation we have several times a week at work. I’ve experienced amazing healing and the work I do with my DB meshes perfectly with Mastery and everything else in my life. This is one of the best things I’ve ever done. In June, I’ll send a payment for July & August.

Curb my spending
I have been loose with my spending on books and bought a pair of sandals, a dress and two skirts in May. I’ve got $1900 on my credit card and about $1000 available to pay it. I got a new no-interest balance transfer offer that lasts through August 2013, so I’ll transfer the rest. I’ve also slipped back into drugstore spending that isn’t necessary or pleasurable, so I’ve put myself back on restriction. I go the drugstore only when I have a need, a list, and a coupon.

Flourishing Health
I changed the name of this resolution. I did Couch to 5k and then gave up running. At the moment, flourishing health is being fostered by keeping a clean environment at home, since clutter stresses me out, keeping good sleep hygiene, and the occasional set of crunches and stretches and playing with the 6lb medicine ball. I’m drenching my eyes and brain in color, which is very, very good for me. I’m drinking lots of water, taking garlic oil supplements, and getting regular sensual pleasure.

I’m also eating a lot of sugar and drinking more alcohol.

In June, I want to add some fun movement every day. I want to cut way down on sugar and drink less alcohol. I want to eat at least one salad every week. It won’t make me superfit, but it’s what I can commit to in June.

Mastery program
The second weekend was as amazing, exhausting, and illuminating as the first. I’m doing well with almost all the homework, though I’m a bit behind in my movie-watching. I’ve booked my May Miami Beach and New York flights and ground transport and hotels and my June NY flights and hotel and shuttle. I’ve been taking advantage of having access to advanced graduates and have been asking a ton of questions.

In May, I’d like to research what energizes me in terms of social time vs. alone time. I want to talk to my sweetheart a bit more about the fact that almost everything I lump under the term ‘suburban domesticity,’ is depressing to me, including owning a home, cooking, spending time with kids & parents who talk about their kids as the main and repeating topic of every conversation, watching TV more than an hour a day, not being able to walk to shops & bars & coffeeshops & bookstores, and doing the same thing every single weekend. We need to create a very different kind of relationship that allows him to be the wonderful father he is and allows us to be the great, hot couple we are.

It’s going to be a busy month at work and my main focus is to stay selfish and greedy about getting everything I can out of Mastery. Exquisite self-care is going to be necessary so I stay energized and available to the program.

Monthly column, WOW, for CCM
Ugh. My May article got published in April, so my April article will get published in May and be out of step with the theme. Annoying!! I still haven’t done my June article and I’m feeling not at all inspired. I want to get the June article in this week so I can relax about Manic May. I also want to schedule the next two guest columns and pick my poems for the July and September.

Divine Abundance Group/Coaching with AB
I was able to connect this morning, during a ten minute meditation at work. I’ve got two sessions scheduled in May and am also going to make time to connect while I’m in Miami Beach and NYC. I’ve paid for May and June.

Curb my spending
When this month’s credit card bill comes in, I’ll be able to pay it, but that will use the last of the money I saved for Mastery travel and expenses, with two more months and two trips left. The prospect of debt has me questioning every purchase and grateful for every cent saved.

In May, I’d like to transfer any travel expenses I can’t pay off to a no interest card offer I just received. I also want to dive a little deeper into my money issues. I’m definitely underearning.

Couch to 5k
I guess I should drop this as a resolution, since I’m no longer running. But damn, I really want to want to do something. I have no desire to exercise at all, unless it’s dancing to awesome music with my friends. I’m also on the fence about spending money to go to classes or join a gym, when I’m about to put some debt on the credit card.

What I need is an exercise group or partner. I’m just not going to stick to things if it’s just me. I need accountability. I need community. Maybe I could research setting up social accountability in May.

Mastery program
The first weekend was worth the entire tuition. Wow. The way I look at myself and every woman shifted. I danced for hours, cried, laughed, screamed, pounded the floor, and felt huge joy. I’ve booked my April NYC flights and hotel and my Miami May hotel. I’ve also had a complete meltdown and cried so hard one day that I couldn’t go to work and spent the whole day in bed. Getting that glimpse of how amazing I am and how amazing life can be made everything that I was filing under Good Enough get moved to You Deserve More. The reality that I have created a safe life that does not give me pleasure is exquisitely painful. Sometimes I feel like my skin’s been stripped away.

I also had a scary and illuminating talk with Mr. Yes and we’re trying to figure out how we can have what we want with each other. We want the same things, want to give each other the same things, and there are logistical blockades that we can’t wish away or ignore. I’m terrified that we’ll break up, even though we pledged to work it out somehow, and he’s so sad it breaks my heart. The talk had to happen and even though I initiated it, he said he’s thought about it, too.

I’m in a scary, painful place of needing income and security to benefit from Mastery and being horribly aware that the ways I currently gain income and security do not fit me. I’m struggling to appreciate that I have done my best in creating this life.

In April, I’d like to book my Miami flight, my May & June NYC flights, my May & June NYC hotel(s), get hotelmates for Miami, and arrange ground transport for April, two May trips, and June. There’s a ton of homework and I’m behind on it. I do have two calls scheduled each week with a classmate and have been doing the reading and watching the assigned movies and have been active online. I’m working with some more experienced alumni to help me through the breakdown to the breakthrough. I have faith it will happen, but man, am I exhausted!

Monthly column, WOW, for CCM
My April and May columns are submitted. I still have an extra article to do. We changed the format of the magazine, so I’m writing to a theme now, which is more challenging, but both these articles turned out well. The May one is especially good.

In April, I’ll get the extra article submitted and try to get my June article submitted.

Divine Abundance Group/Coaching with AB
With all that Mastery’s unleashed, I haven’t been making a very regular connection with my PSI. I did have an amazing conversation last time in which my PSI told me to draw a map of all I want for Mastery travel before I go to the websites. I also realized that I need comfort and ease in order to absorb the learning, so I shouldn’t economize myself into stress.

In April, I’ll have two formal coaching sessions and I’ll use the new 10am group meditation practice at work to quickly check in with my PSI. I did that this morning as we sang a simple chant and had the piercing vision of myself as a hummingbird, drinking the sweetness of God.

Curb my spending
After the coaching session, I realized that I was risking missing out on a $5,000 education to save $40 per trip by taking a shuttle or sharing a cab to the airport. The program is so intensive that I need some solitude to digest it, especially since I’m sharing a hotel room. It’s worth the extra money to get a private car (only $3 more than a cab) and feel calm enough to pay attention and learn. I’m going to book a shuttle to get me from home to the airport and back home and a private car for the airport trips in NYC. I may have some debt by the end of the program, but nothing I can’t pay off within a year or so.

Couch to 5k
I got to 2.8 miles in 33.5 minutes and then fell off. The intensity of my post-Mastery meltdown and then a cold kept me from running. Last night, I ran/walked the 104 stairs at the rose garden twice and did some jogging/walking in the neighborhood. I’ve never stayed interested in any athletic endeavor for very long. I think it’s time to embrace the fact that I may stay fit, but I’m never going to love a sport or physical activity for very long. I’m an emotional and spiritual athlete, not a physical one.

In April, I want to continue to run/walk the stairs and around the neighborhood, at least three times a week, and do more stretching. Little Yes and I had a marathon stretching/yoga session this weekend that felt awesome. I was even sore the next day. That kid’s quite a trainer!

Mastery program at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts
I’ve got my flights booked. The return flight is tight, so I may be sleeping at JFK if things don’t work perfectly. I also booked the hotel and got a great price when split among three people. I’m waiting for one hotel-mate to tell me she’s cool with me inviting the third I want. I’m really happy that the hotel is .2 miles from where we’ll be meeting. Less money for cabs! I really need this program. There are several areas of life in which I’m not happy with what I’ve created and have no idea what I desire instead.

In March, I’ll do the first weekend, which will help me hone my travel plans for the rest of the New York weekends. I’ll see what in the world I’ve gotten myself into and I’ll push myself to never once use the excuses of “too tired” or “too busy”.

Monthly column, WOW, for CCM
I’ve got my poems picked out through May. We have changed how the issues will be organized, starting in May and I’m not sure how I’ll change what I do to reflect that. I have an eye on a Cowgirl for the June column. I love doing this column and it seems to be going well. I’m especially happy about the March poem.

In March, I’ll get my March, April, and May columns submitted so I can clear my schedule for a busy May in other areas.

Divine Abundance Group/Coaching with Athena Burke
This is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I sent her a check for March and April and we have our March calls scheduled. Nothing to do but do it!

In March, I’ll aim for one formal sit-down connection with my Divine Beloved every week.

Curbing my spending
All I need to do is continue what I’m doing now, which is staying out of drugstores! They are definitely my weakness. I’ll have expenses associated with the Mastery program and want to keep saving as much as I can to offset that. Getting some money back on my taxes will help with that as well. I still have urges to spend when I’m angry or stressed out, but I’m aware of them now.

Couch to 5k
I had to take a week off to help my Achilles tendon heal, but I restarted Week 7 this morning. I did 24 minutes instead of 25 and am hoping my tendon will adjust.

In March, I hope to finish the program and just keep adding two minutes every week until I’m up to 40 minutes, which is about how long it would take for me to run 5k at my current pace. Then I’ll test myself by running around the lake, which is 3.1 miles without construction and probably about 3.4 now.

Mastery program at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts
Yikes! I haven’t booked a single flight or hotel and it starts in six weeks! I have it on my to-do list to call them tomorrow and see how close they are to LGA & JFK. I need to know when I can fly out in the evening. It’s more expensive to get a flight after 6:45pm on a Sunday, but the program goes until 5pm. I’m in resistance to the idea of all that travel, but it still feels like the right program at the right time.

Monthly column, WOW, for CCM
I picked my February poem and should get the March submission in two weeks. We’re changing the way we set up each issue, starting in April, so I’ll wait until our Virtual Cocktail Party to figure out the rest of the year. The new way of doing things may take more of my time, but I love being on staff and spreading the CC gospel. I may be hosting an online cafe for Cosmic Cowgirls, too, as an offshoot of the column. We’ll see. Don’t want to overcommit, but want to remain on the team.

Divine Abundance Group/Coaching with Athena Burke
This continues to be amazing. I’m paid through February and plan to continue for March & April. A lot is being shed and a lot is unfolding inside me. My relationship with my PSI has changed and I now feel like an apprentice or student instead of a devotee. That feels right and good.

Curbing my spending
I’ve done really well on this! Even with buying work clothes, I was able to fund my set aside fund, travel fund, and pay extra toward my credit card. I feel like my spending habits have already shifted away from using small purchases as a (not so) cheap high.

Couch to 5k
One month in and I can run five minutes in a row. I’m not even nervous about the 20 minute run at the end of Week 5.

EDIT: I’m doing well at turning down other invitations, events, workshops, amazing offers, etc. I took time to unsubscribe from a ton of email newsletters, so I’m not as overwhelmed with having to consciously turn down new opportunities. It feels good to say NO and focus on these five resolutions. I feel less rushed and stressed.

but not too fussy goal I need to keep myself on track. Here are my 2012 projects (resolutions, if you must).

Mastery program at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts
This officially begins in March, but I need to make travel arrangements, do assignments, etc. starting in January or February at the latest.

Monthly column, WOW, for CCM
I’ve got my January and March poets picked. Need to pick the poems of my own I’ll use and find four more Cowgirls to feature. I think I’ll write an extra column, if at all possible, that our editor can have ready to go if someone else doesn’t get a column in on time.

Divine Abundance Group/Coaching with Athena Burke
This has already led to a closer, more consistent connection to the Divine than I’ve ever had. We’re meeting via phone twice a month.

Curbing my spending
I have a separate goal for that, but a monthly review will be useful, too.

Couch to 5k
Separate goal here, too, but I don’t want to do the program and then never run again, so a monthly check-in will be useful

The other resolutions I have are to help my parents during my father’s (probable) last year of life and keep my amazing relationship happy and healthy. I’ll check in on those, too. Thanks, dragonfly35, for creating this goal!