restore politeness, refinement, tact and other old-fashioned niceties

Well, that might be a slight exaggeration. I’ll continue to celebrate and create moments of politeness, refinement, tact and other old-fasioned niceties.

This end-of-year pruning doesn’t make for the most interesting reading, does it?

I sent a note to a friend who lost his brother several months back, just letting him know he and his wife were in my thoughts during the holidays. He emailed me a very sweet reply and said, “10,000 emails a day and I still get excited if I get a piece of personal mail.”

I must remember to send more personal notes. They’re fun to do and make people feel special and seen.

Because in the midst of telling me how much he thinks I suck, my sarcastic but dear 12-year-old nephew will turn to his mom and say, “May I have some milk, please?” and then not only thank her, but ask a few minutes later, “Did I remember to thank you?” My 4-year-old niece was in the middle of torturing her stuffed bear by screaming, “Talk! Talk! Bake my turkey!” but took a break to take her milk with both hands and say, “Thank you, Daddy.”

I love that in my family, manners are a way to express authentic appreciation and don’t detract from us otherwise insulting each other in any way that we think might be amusing. The love and affection are always there and the “excuse me,” “please,” and “thank you” don’t get misplaced in the midst of the free-for-all.

Today I sent an email to a faculty member reminding him that he hadn’t responded with edits to the form he asked me to create, which I had sent to him three weeks ago. He responded, with a cc to my boss, by saying that the problem was that I hadn’t looked at the folder on the shared drive. He also asked for a draft of a letter he had previously told me I could write, sign and send on his behalf. Basically, it would look to my boss like the faculty member was on top of it and I was slacking.

Oh yeah, one more thing. That folder in the shared drive where he put the edited form? He created it four minutes before he sent the email. He totally set me up in front of my boss.

I sent a very polite reply, leaving aside the matter of the folder not existing until right before he sent the email. I thanked him for the edits and reminded him of his previous assertion that he didn’t need to see a draft. I even apologized if I had misunderstood, as it had been stated so very clearly. I told him the letters had gone out on the first possible business day. I cc’d my boss, too.

The faculty member sent an email back saying that I did a great job and had a great personality and should ignore the way he phrased things. I’ll be talking to my boss about this guy throwing me under the bus but I am SO glad that I stayed professional and polite. I think it will have more weight when I talk to my boss if it’s clear this isn’t a personality issue.

Did I mention I’m so angry, upset and discouraged at this kind of behavior that I nearly left the office? Seriously. I want an award.

The new doctor I saw today was tactful and old-fashioned. He made sure that my gown was covering me at all times, helped me up and off the table and took my elbow as if he was escorting me into a ballroom when he walked me to the checkout desk. He actually stopped talking and listened when I spoke, almost unheard of behavior in most doctors I’ve seen. When he came in with his nurse, he would say, “Wanda, have a seat” to her, instead of ignoring her presence as many doctors do. He was knowledgable, realistic and seemed to actually care about how my symptoms made me feel emotionally as well as physically. It was so nice to be treated with respect, politeness and tact. He even had a little black bag with his name on it in which he carried his stethascope, reflex hammer and other tools! It was all the best of modern medicine with all the courtesy of old-fashioned doctoring.

I haven’t been this angry and stressed at a job in a long, long time. One of our administrators is creating a lot of tension and disrespecting me and other staff and faculty members. He’s unable to spend time in the role he’s being paid for because of other time pressures and refuses to listen to answers that he doesn’t like when he asks us questions. It’s behavior that is unprofessional and the current leadership isn’t doing a damn thing about it.

He just told me that the task he started yesterday after knowing about it for weeks is in my hands. I told him, politely, “No, it’s in your hands.” He insisted it was in mine. I told him, “No, it isn’t. I’ll get this email out right away.” I did the part of the task that was my job and refused to accept the portion that it was totally inappropriate of him to try to delegate. I did it politely. When he burst into my office, pulled up a chair and started firing questions and commands at me, I was polite, helpful and offered suggestions. I didn’t argue or contradict him because I knew it wouldn’t change anything. I think tact was the best way to handle this. I’m still really angry at his behavior but I feel good about how I handled myself.

Even if my slapping hand is still itchy.

Our newest staff member is a lovely and very polite young woman who was raised in the South. The word “ma’am” just flies off her tongue, even though we’ve told her that it makes us feel old. I’ve also told her that I very much appreciate that she was raised well and has such wonderful manners. It’s just the M word that we can’t take! (Where I was raised, the word was literally used only as a weapon to draw attention to someone’s age.)

to put on my vintage 50s apron and high heels and iron napkins. Soothing, with a side of perverse.

I appreciate people who are nice to the check-out people/cashiers at grocery stores. I notice that people are so busy that they rarely meet the cashier’s eyes, even when they’re answering questions about whether they’ve found everything they needed, etc. It’s another tough job and a good opportunity to thank someone for providing good service.

I see a fair amount of music shows and meet up with friends in bars. I’m amazed at how rudely people treat bartenders. They bark orders, get unreasonably angry if a single bartender doesn’t instantaneously summon up mixed drinks for a crowd of 20, act as if liquor laws don’t apply to them and barely ever say “thank you.” Maybe it’s because I know a fair number of bartenders but I always add “when you get a chance” to my order if the bar is busy, in an attempt to let him/her know that I understand there may be a wait. It’s a tough job. Why not make it a little more pleasant for all?