change

well, not quite. :)

I still call Mum when I am too stupid to figure out how to do some basic paper work and rely on someone to fall back on.

But in theory, if all goes well, I can call myself financially independent ^^.
I am sponsoring my passions, such as my trips and my photography by myself and it truly feels good!

On top of that I think I might have found my dream job, so even the hours away from beautiful, culture packed cities and beaches allow me to have a good time during the week.

Being back in Europe is probably the biggest geographical step I have taken in 10 years.

There are a few subtle changes in the way how I lead my life, the responsibilities I am taking on and the relationship I have with my co-workers and family.

These are good times.

Briefly after my last entry on change I met this wonderful guy.

My studies were still somewhat on the rocks, but after the first week of knowing him I changed my sleeping and studying habits, passed my exams two weeks later, he sold all his belongings and went with me to Barcelona, Spain.

There I aced my Masters class, took up the subject that seemed the most difficult to me and had an MBA and a Masters in Finance, studying double-time. We visited France, Italy and even my parents in Germany.

Then in September 2008 we made it to his hometown (Perth), where I had a job, lost a job and found a new one. I took up Indonesian classes and we had a great time in Lombok. I finally can understand my relatives and am about to start a more advanced course. I love my life.

We live in a lovely house by the ocean. Life’s made a 180° turn – I couldn’t have possibly wished for more.

Nothing has changed with my parents. Dad is doing badly, but we get along. No major change there…

My personal life is going smoothly. Whether drama nor tears in this area. – And that for the first time in 3 years. SWEET

So,... WHY am I still doing crappy at uni. I am halfway through my last semester and I am feeling this terrible weight on my back. I am trying to figure out if it’s depression, but I can definitely say it is not “deep down in the darkness of the pit” feeling. This must be what regular strung-out tiredness is.

I am strung out.

If I only had more discipline.

Time to take action, time to write tutors, lecturers, counselors, friends and sit down and study early. FOR ONCE.

Wish me luck… this is not how I want to enter my exams. For once I’d like to hold my head up high and feel confident.

Life

The adventure of life is to learn.
The purpose of life is to grow.
The nature of life is to change.
The challenge of life is to overcome.
The essence of life is to care.
The opportunity of life is to serve.
The secret of life is to dare.
The spice of life is to befriend.
The beauty of life is to give.
The joy of life is to love.

Yep. Change.
It is hard to see things positively when all you want to do is revert back to your old self or back to your old life…

I spent just over 2 years with my partner and things were going nowhere. I don’t think I minded “nowhere” at the time as much as I do now. Amazing how much 6 days of separation can teach you. Amazing what 2 years can teach you.

I cried a little into my cup yesterday, time to be strong. I realized the 9th of December was the first day in a year that I didn’t cry at all… and the past couple of days haven’t really been noteworthy either.

I’ve been sad, but no tears.

First, yesterday I got two positions, one as a work experience marketing girl and one as a PR & model for a fancy architecture company.

So today I was invited to go to this all-day networking event, which was showcasing a bunch of speakers.

I got to see my first Olympic gold medal… I touched it and rubbed it and made a wish… oh yeah.

Whatsmore,... two male speakers had me on the verge of balling my eyes out from heartbreak, the third made me nearly cry by the plain awe of his accomplishments. The latter being the founder of Contiki tours. He made me want to pack my bags and… I don’t know… just do my thing. :)

And the first two heartbreakers…, a pilot who lost his legs in a plane accident and flies again for the government vs. a police officers who was away from his family on months on end to find “Little Anthony’s” body in Phuket after the Tsunami…

Damn this bloody Australian accent which makes any alpha caveman seem like a helpless little kitten.

Something’s gotta give. I can’t believe I have missed out on all these incredible stories. If I heard stuff like that once every week I surely wouldn’t be such a slacky.

Oh yeah, and then that lady who looked like 22… TOPS,... and really was 45.
WHAT THE HELL?! I really just wanted to run up and slap her when she said she was a mother… lol. No way you have a body like that, lady. NO WAY. You lie.

But God, she made me laugh.

What a day.

Heaps to process, heaps of emails to be written…

I finally got back my bond money.

In an earlier episode my ex-apartment owners thought it would be a fantastic idea to charge me AUS$1500.

They had painted the ENTIRE old apartment on MY expense, choosing the most expensive painters possible, so their princess daughter could move into a spiffy new place.

Whats more, I had was given the pleasure to replace 7 year old Sheraton sheets. That’s right. I have lived there for 7 years and they want their sheets back?! What the HELL?

Anyway. I allocated $620 to them and they threatened me with court. I didn’t budge… Now, on the 13th of November was the last day for them to sue me. And… NOTHING.

So, I am lovingly patting the other $900 they wanted to rip so heartlessly away from me.

Swoon

Generally speaking, I am happy with my English, but if I compare it to the standard of my first language I realize that I sound a lot of the time quite immature or just not very educated.

Being aware of that doesn’t help me when I have to argue with landlords, police offiers, my boss, etc.

It irritates me beyond belief that I am not taken seriously most of the time. What else should I think, if I have to repeat myself three times to get my point across? And even then I feel I am only getting a half-arsed result.

I’m really unhappy about this. Something has to change soon. But how?

feeling very sorry for myself right now.
Where did my inner Ninja go?

I would love to just shed all the old, tired experiences like a snake’s skin and come out all shiny and schmick.

For some reason, it is really hard to just move away from what I have been like from when I was 12 years old.

It would be amazing to live a day twice, one time from your own, the other from a complete strangers perspective.

I wish I was a little less frightened of (loud, assertive) confrontation with “authority” figures. I am soooo boring all the time, it would be a rush, I am sure. Am I missing out on something?