Accept and respect the past

Forgave some persons last week, and it feels so good! I haven’t lost my pride, I’ve just made myself the bigger person by giving people a seccond chance. Beeing mad just makes me feel miserable.

The past har been knocking on my door lately. I realized things I thought I left behind still buggs me, deep inside. I need to make peace. People who’ve let me down have come back for forgivness. I have to forgive for my own sake, it’s the only right thing to do and the only way to move on. I can’t stay mad forever, it only hurts myself.

I’ve made my decision.

The best things that has happened to me are actually the worst. I was so afraid of failiour that I held myself back. I had never experienced something really hard.

I did a year ago – and it has raised my oh so bad confidence and given me strenght I didn’t knew I have. If I could get through that then all the minor fears I had before seem so simple. I found a new side of myself. In just a year I’m a completely different person and a much happier one – cause’ when bad things happen (cliché-warning) you realize what is struly important. How can you know what happiness is if you’ve never been sad?

There is one exeption though – bad experiences in love can too easily lead in the other direction: distrust, low confidence and shell slowly gronwing stronger to protect your heart.

And that’s the past I’m still struggling with.

As important as hanging on is, so i knowing when to let go. Although it’s hard to know. I can’t let go unless i know I tried everything to make it work.

When the present feels great and when my future looks brighter it is easy to leave the past behind. The problem is that when something bad happens bad memories I thought I left behind hits me again.

I don’t think that I can cross off this goal until I’ve found security in myself and reached an understanding that what happened then can’t affect me now.

It is hard but still, I’m getting closer.

I have two strategies of dealing with bad memories. I suppress it or dwell over it, neither is good. I just want to be able to look back at what has happened with objective eyes and say “Hey, that wasn’t my best moment, but it has come something good out of it and it has made me who I am”. Then I can leave it there, where it belong, and the only thing I will take with me is what I learnt from the situation.

If I doubt or fall back in the same pattern I will just remember these words of wisdom:

“You can never change what has happened, but you CAN rewrite the way you perceive and handle it from now on.”
- Unknown

“To regret one’s own experiences is to arrest one’s own development.”
- Oscar Wilde