You are setting yourself an illusory goal. Whatever it was that has made you so bitterly disappointed has left a nasty taste in your mouth and you feel that ‘enough is enough’. You are sick of it all. Wouldn’t it just be wonderful if you could retire to a desert island and turn your back on the past? But it’s an illusion and you know it.
In the past there have been – and maybe there still are – many things that you have had to do without. You have now decided to set your sights on a position or situation that could give you greater prestige and which will afford you considerable self esteem.
You are very demanding – and insisting on total involvement but you do not reciprocate with the same depth of feeling. However, it could well be that maybe an unprecedented surprise is awaiting you in the near future. For just as one whilst paddling in the sea, could flounder into a whirlpool, so you may be drawn into a loving situation that has high emotional demands – and you could well respond with a depth of emotion that you never even dreamed that you possessed.
The stress and tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to your inability to achieve security and appreciation from those closest to you. This is resulting in considerable pressures. You find the situation as it stands most frustrating. You are the sort of person that would like to experience all and everything very intensely but unfortunately you are not receiving the warmth and understanding that you feel you are entitled to. Matters are not going too well. You seek a sympathetic ear but it is not forthcoming. This situation is extremely nerve-racking – and what is more humiliating is that no-one seems to care and you are powerless to do anything about it.
Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro’s and con’s with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes ‘The past does not equal tomorrow’. Think about it – and let go.