judge a little less and forgive a little more

I worked yesterday with the Nurse who I have learned, is essentially the “slum Lord” of this small town. I said nary a word about her slummy house which I declined to live in, and actually found that as a person, I rather liked her. We got along great, and I feel very forgiving.

And relieved.

And it’s killing me.
I saw one of the doctors I work with in the locker room the other day. Being a locker room, I was changing my clothes and had very little on. Since it was a locker room, I wasn’t too concerned about this. I had a short conversation with the Doctor…
She then went and told another Doctor (Male) who we work with about this, and made comment on the size of certain parts of my body. He, being the recipient of this piece of information, teased me a bit, not realizing that I am hugely body dysmorphic. He has since apologized and I can tell he feels horrible. But given that kind of info, I might have been tempted to do exactly what he did to him…
I just canna figure out for the life of me, why my body even entered into any conversation. My initial instinct has been to inform her about the rather uncomplimentary things that the other Doc then said about her, and also to create more havoc in her life (She’s not a good physician and struggling in her residency). But then I thought about it some more.
I am going to have to bite my tounge. Somehow forgive her for this…and move on. Craziness.

After a difficult day with a particular new nurse, I meditated on my own attitude and thought about how things are for her. She has many easily identifiable “faults”...but people are not being nice to her and she makes it easy to dislike her.

So, today, I decided to make a special effort to be nicer to her. So far, she remains the same obtuse, awkward person, and I find the whole thing a bit of a chore, (and I imagine it shows), but I know that I’m doing the right thing. Even if she never likes me, at least, I feel more settled in myself knowing I have been friendly and accepting of her, rather than being another thorn in her side.
THis took a lot of effort on my part, and I’m pleased at my half way success. I keep reminding myslef that the only attitude I can control is my own….

I flunked this.

I pointed out today that it was going to be difficult to open the super fast track of the ED at 11 am because the nurse who was going to relieve me at 11 am is often late.
This nurse then heard that I had said this, and was angry. Unfortunately, she is ALWAYS late.
I apologized, she pointed out that i didn;t sound sorry, and I wasn’t.
I mentioned it to the supervisor, who said, “Well shes upset because someone called her on it.”
Aaaaaah, I should be more forgiving of faults.

I have a habit of finding one characteristic of a person that is sort of distinctive, and gently poking fun at that person….
Unfortunately, because I seem to do it well, everyone starts rolling on the floor laughing when I do it. It isn’t kind, or even done with a good intent. But, on my behalf, I will say people do it to me as well, as I do find their pointing out my wierdnesses funny. So maybe people need to be less sensitive. Uh, I probably need to be less observant.

Last night I happened to walk into the break room to witness my co-worker essentially eating half of the meal I brought for dinner (my nice strawberry smoothie). I was tempted several times to say somehing, but decided that it wasn’t worth it. This person has a lot of personal problems…so I decided well, it just wasn’t worth making an issue out of it, or embarassing her, or anything. I just had dinner sans smoothie, and got over my annoyance privately. Yes, I could have pointed out that what she did was annoying, but it isn’t my job to teach an adult not to take other peoples food….

Last night I worked with my co-woker who is sort of a borderline personality. But we worked it out to get the work done, and I had her draw my blood this morning and was very surprised to find that she did it without hurting me at all…I’m a big baby so that was an achievement. I was so glad I decided to overlook her emotional issues, and I let her know how much I appreciated it. She fairly glowed…

I live in a contracted “apartment” in a bed and breakfast. Last month the owner asked me for the number of the company I work for because he needed to call about payment, so I gave it to him. Thinking all along that it wasn’t the smartest idea of him to not have some sort of contract or payment agreement with the company, which included the number.

This week he is asking when my last day is…I don’t actually know and I don’t really care at this point. So I told him, hey, call the company. He looks at me and says he has lost the number that I gave him last week. I now feel very irritated and also am thinking he is not a very good business owner. I want to be patient, and think good thoughts so I’ll work on that…today. Not so happy with myself.

I treated a prisoner last night. This person was very immature and obnoxious, and not very bright. The Mid Level provider ordered an antibiotic by injection and told me to feel free to inject it without the pain killer that is recommended to be mixed in with this, as it really really hurts, terribly…
I mixed in the pain killer anyway. The patient WAS a jerk, but he was also human. While I found the prisoner to be all the things above, I am pleased that I did not allow my judgements about people in prison to affect the care I gave.
Now, if I could just stop judging this mid Level provider, because I’ve decided he is an A**....
well, I suppose I win some and I lose some.

The owner of the B and B where I am doomed for 12 more weeks, for some reason got up very early this am (0700) and made a large breakfast for himself, with bacon and eggs, the smell wafting up to my area and waking me up….that was not so bad, except since then he has been cleaning or something and banging tons of pots and pans, and slamming doors, and I find I am a bit annoyed, after all, this is a bed and breakfast. I would prefer he bang doors at 2 in the afternoon. All that said, I have decided that I am simply going to accept that for some reason he feels the need to do this at an early hour. I do not know why, and I’m not going to be concerned about why…and I completely forgive the fellow….
I feel very nobel, but really, I thinkhe deserves a bit of forgiveness, I can tell it isn’t easy being him.