Maintain a gratitude list

My job.
My students who come up with all sorts of ways to misbehave and push the boundaries.
The fact that I am always learning.
The fact that I chose to not be a parent.
But that I am getting to experience being with kids by teaching.
(that’s more than enough kid time for me)
Thank God for the end of the year.
Summer vacation.
Traveling.
My house on the Ocean.
My Gardens.
Especially the garden at the school!
Good friends.
Good Health.
A nice bottle of wine.
A beautiful sunset.
A great book.
A convertible on a sunny spring day.
The sky is pink purple and blue.
A chill in the air as I get closer to home. 10 degrees different along the coast.
Baskets.
I really do like baskets.
Paint. Color makes me happy.
Watching a good movie with my sweetheart.
A Saturday morning breakfast at the local diner.
A Sunday morning brunch with the family at the house.
Clean sheets.
Being financially stable.
Having a safety net, just in case.
Having a handsome, kind, sexy, smart, talented, oh my god, I am so luck – boyfriend! Who knew that life after a divorce could take such a turn? I never would’ve guessed. Just when you thought it was over and I was never going to survive without love in my life, the most amazing man shows up and sweeps me off my feet. He’s so much better of a fit than my ex ever was! How could this be happening! Lucky – Lucky – Lucky ME!!!!

I am happy right now for what I have. . .
I enjoy my job. I have turned a corner. A few weeks ago I went through a period where I would’ve traded classrooms with anyone on the planet, but now I have a second wind. I really do like these kids, even though it’s hard teaching them. I am not perfect and I may very well be booted out. But, I know that I am a good teacher for these kids and that if administration just keeps giving me the chances that they’ve been giving me – I will eventually be the teacher they need me to be. They’ve put this much time into me . . . Now that they’ve trained me this far, they might as well reap the rewards of the training that they’ve invested. I’m ready to do the job that they need me to do. It takes awhile to have it all culminate. My teacher’s aid is in the “lame duck” period of her career. She’ll be retiring within the first two weeks of next year. I’m hoping to get someone who is younger and really enthusiastic. I hope to develop a relationship with someone like that which I observed between Joanne and Sue (a decades’ long partnership in which they worked well together) I started thinking about these kids . . . the ones who will be staying after the 8th graders leave. . . and I think I could could do a good job with them. I will start out with even more routines and with a firmer understanding of the curriculum. I have an enthusiasm for this material. There’s no reason I can’t teach these kids with fun and sensitivity. Hopefully administration have bought into my brand of craziness. They see me trying to teach them and coming up with lots of interesting lesson plans. I think even my parallel teacher is starting to come around and not seem so adversarial. If I could only ask and get some direct feedback.

Snowdays at just the right time to catch up on paperwork.
Reminders that I need to slow down.
A nice warm home.
Friends and family who care and for whom I care.
Time to stop running.
Time enough to think.
Self-awareness.
Solitude.
House plants.
Red Rock Park out my window.
A nice afternoon nap.
Financial security.
Good health.
Interesting books to read.
A wonderful life partner who happens to be a hot boyfriend!
The ability to take time for myself.
The intelligence to do the right thing.

Taking pictures with my camera.
Making photo books or collages.
Doing yoga.
Cooking for Bob and me.
Cooking for friends / throwing a party.
Painting a room / selecting fabrics or other stuff for the room.
Gardening and planting / watching things grow.
Reading books and writing anything at all.
Walking the beach in front of my house and collecting treasures.
Sitting on the deck with a book and a glass of wine / lemonaide
Organizing and making things look nice at home or at school.
Talking with a good friend over coffee.
Dancing or listening to live music on the weekends.

I have recently been having a difficult time at work. The special ed kids just don’t want to behave and learn the math and science that I am teaching. I am low on energy and enthusiasm myself, and am not bringing my best to the classroom. This has resulted in suggestions / warnings that I improve my classroom management or else. I am demoralized to say the least.

And yet . . .

I am grateful. . . that . . .
I have a job here and now.
I have my health.
I am in a great romantic relationship with a wonderful man who is supportive, exciting, passionate and a true partner.
I am creative and will be able to navigate whatever career changes come my way in the upcoming months.
I live in a warm, beautiful, amazing home.
I have encouraging and interesting friends.
I am financially stable and make reasonably good decisions.
I enjoy going out to listen to live music on a regular basis.
I read for pleasure and for personal / professional development frequently.
I am trying to get more exercise and eat right in order to enact my goal of being more fit and healthier by my 42nd birthday.
I have goals and desires.
I learn from my mistakes and failures.
I celebrate my successes.
I have been reflective throughout my life and have experienced great happiness and deap sorrow so I can fully appreciate both.
I AM mentally healthier than I have ever been before because I have taken the time to develop good coping techniques and a healthy lifestyle.
I am able to help others because I have walked through fire myself.

Another free day to do what I want
An old movie on pay per view
Staying in my pj’s all day
Painting yet another room in my house
Coffee!
An oceanside view during a storm that isn’t dangerous in my area.
Hopes and prayers that others will be doing well again soon
The fact that my power didn’t go out
a good night’s sleep
Putting together an apartment for renting out next spring – what a great project!
Pre-halloween candy

getting lesson plans done before leaving for the day.
sitting on the couch watching TV and not working.
Trying to not over-commit – taking on only what I can accomplish gracefully.
setting new goals.
reading for pleasure rather than for professional enrichment.
Brunch on Sunday.
Apple picking and having fresh apples for the week.
Walking by the ocean after school.
Waking up to a pink, blue and white sunrise.
Dinner parties this fall?
Friends around a firepit.

Good friends visiting
a nice glass of wine
sitting on the couch with Bob
sex
the sunrise over the ocean
coffee with pumpkin flavoring from dunkin donuts
having an organized classroom
enjoying my career
creativity
research
enthusiasm
independence
fall color

.That we had a great party last night with lots of family and friends.
.The new ficus tree in the entry way.
.ferns = $3 a piece at the grocery store = score!.
.Karolina coming to clean every other Friday – I would die cleaning this house by myself – she’s amazing!.
.Being able to spend my time doing things I like to do . . . painting at Tudor Street so I can rent it next week, preparing for the school year ahead, study science. . .
.Simple abundance.
.My health and the health of my friends and family.
.Being able to sleep in this morning.
.The ocean.
.3 dogs / 2 cats / 1 boyfriend with allergies – enough room to keep everybody happy.
.A few good books to read and the time to at least start them.
.Self-awareness.
.Self-motivation.
.School.
.Friends.
.Independence.
.Being able to think creatively and philosophically.
.Modern communications – the fact that I can keep in contact with my far-flung relatives.

.Summer vacation.
.Being financially stable.
.Another fine day of painting at Tudor St.
.Spending time reading with my kitties.
.Lingering over a cup of coffee in the morning.
.My messy office and trying to get it organized.
.Having found someone who is more suitable for me romantically.
.Passionate kisses.
.Equal give and take.
.Feeling healthy physically and mentally.
.Being busy.
.Traveling.
.Having too much on my to-do list.
.Knowing when to slow down.
.The love of learning.