post letters here that i would never send

i miss my old best friend. i think of him often. i hope that he finds me again someday.

i’m so terrified of what we’re doing.

i don’t like how you compare me to her…i mean, obviously you’re going to do it. i do it, too…but can’t you just keep it to yourself ? i’m not going to be like her…in many ways. if you really think about it, that’s a pretty good thing. when you do that, it makes me feel like you had more fun with her than you’re having with me. you wanted to know why i’m so self conscious and nervous around you ? that’s it.

i hate how you ignore me unless it’s just the two of us. it makes me so self conscious. are you ashamed of me ? is there something wrong with me ? i don’t understand. i’m so confused.

i’m crazy about you. you have to know that. i’ve liked you for forever. you’re my best friend. i want this to work so badly. but i can’t help being paranoid that you’re going to back out on me…i’m scared you’re messing with me…and i think a lot of that is because i feel so pressured, even when we’re not dating. if you expect this much out of me…i’m worried that you’re just doing it to see if you can. i hate myself for thinking like that because you’re a good person, and i can’t see you doing that to anyone. but i can’t help it. i wish you’d reassure me somehow.

i’m so scared to tell you this stuff because i’m afraid that you’ll think i’m an idiot if i do. i’m scared that you’ll just say, “wtf,” and think that i’m not worth it.
but another part of me can’t see you doing that to me. you wouldn’t.

^{good heavens, i need to get some sleep…}

well, i’m certainly glad that one of us had the courage to say it.

• self conceited doesn’t even make sense.
• it makes me so angry that you hate me because i know i’m smart. do you hate all of them as well ? no. you know something ? i think you’re lying.
• it makes me even more mad that you say you’re better than the majority of my guy friends just because you have a job. big fucking deal. we’re teenagers. more power to ya if you have a job, but we’re supposed to mooch off of our parents. that’s what we do.
• if you listened to that song on repeat for three hours the next day, you would’ve remembered, too.
• i’m out of your league, but she’s in a whole ‘nother sport. i hope she rips your black, bottomless pit of a heart into a million little pieces.
• whenever i think about graduation, i think, man, i wonder if i’ll invite B. it’d be nice to be able to talk to him by then. but then i realize that that probably won’t happen. i’ve tried to let go. as i was letting everything slip through my fingers, i realized that you hadn’t and that you’re still bitter. that made me want to cling to all my bitterness. it’s so much easier to hate someone that hates you.
• i wouldn’t torment you so much if it wasn’t so easy and so funny.
• whenever i’m asked if i hate you, i say, “no. i don’t hate him. i feel sorry for him.” i’m starting to wonder if that’s a lie.
• “it will be a miracle if she ever has sex with a guy.”
  oh ? really? REALLY ?! because you’re the one that said i don’t have a problem messing around with guys. i just have a problem dating them. really ?!
• i hate how you make me sink to your level.
• sometimes i think, in the event of my death, i hope someone tells him that i’m sorry. but then i immediately retract the thought. i like to think that i shouldn’t be sorry. that’s you. maybe i should be a little sorry. but you should be sorry ten times more than i should.
• you shouldn’t date someone just for the purpose of dating someone. you should date someone because you like them. you’re so pathetic and desperate. it makes me want to puke.
• i think that we would be on better terms if i hadn’t let all of these thoughts fester since the beginning of june. i know that you have similar thoughts, too. we’ll just never say them.

you would be so much cooler and so much hotter if you didn’t party so hard.

i’m terrified that you’re going to leave me just like all of the other ones.

haha ! booyah ! karma’s a biiittchhhh.

i hate the way i still want to talk to you.

you’re threatened by me. you’re scared of a sixteen year old girl…i kind of feel bad for you.

it’s not ok for me to treat her like shit (which i didn’t do), but it’s alright if she’s treats me like shit ?

^{i think not.}