Hone my story telling skills by using this space to share anecdotes about my life.

When Jeny was a wee slip of a lesbian, I used to work nights.

We lived a couple blocks from a 7-11 and, of course, Jeny and I were in there just about every day for one thing or another.

We had walked over there one morning for me to get some orange juice and for her to get something to rot her teeth with.

Jeny had her goody and was standing at the counter. Since she was, I dunno, three or four, her nose came up just to the edge of the counter, so her eyes and forehead were above it.

I was coming up toward the counter from behind her, several feet away.

Two high school aged guys came up from her right to pay for something and the asshole closest to her just gave her a rough shove out of the way, nearly, but not quite, making her lose her balance and fall.

Unfortunately for him, by that time I was within arm’s reach, and grabbed a handful of his very nicely braided and greasy hair, and with rather more force than was probably necessary, I dragged him over Jeny and opened the swinging glass door by SLAMMING his face into it, shoved him out the doorway, and onto what I guess was his and the other punk’s bikes.

Also unfortunate, was that his nose seem to split right down the middle, spewing what seemed a huge quantity of blood everywhere…

Crying by that time, he began screaming at me that I was a racist!

I agreed, telling him I had always hated fucking assholes…

Then I headed back inside where, apparently with the blood splattered on me and the Charlie Manson look in my eyes, the other kid decided discretion was indeed the better part of valor and began backing up, apologizing for the other kid’s behavior…and backed into one of those big racks of dollar bags of potato chips, knocking it over and sending them everywhere.

Well…what could I do?

Sure…I began laughing my ass off…

The bloody kid came in then, pissing me off all over again, threatening to call the cops.

I agreed that would be a fine thing, I’d wait right here for them and would listen while he explained why he attacked a little kid.

By this time the clerk, also the owner and someone we were acquainted and friendly with, threw the two guys out…told me not to worry about it…which I hadn’t intended doing.

The scary part of all this is that the grabbing and pushing and nose splitting wasn’t a calculated thing…it just sorta happened without my “help.”

Sometimes I over-react…

Just a few years ago I was under a load going to Seattle.

Some other driver had loaded it in L.A. and brought it to our yard here in Stockton…I was taking it the rest of the way.

It was about 8.00 pm and I was sitting at the local truck stop drinking a cup of coffee and doing my paperwork…when I hear a knock on the PASSENGER door. Since my door was facing the truck stop store and fuel desk, “hiding” on the right side could only mean…Truck Stop Whore...

I leaned over and opened the door.

Yep.

Facing me, seen only from nips up or so, was a woman of indiscriminate age. She was probably pretty young, but crack seems to do something to one’s face…ages it prematurely, and add to that a not so wonderful existence over-all…the results make it hard to figure out the age.

I’m thinking she was in her late 20’s…

She was dressed all sexy in some low-slung, rayon top…nice…since it’s always good to be able to show off the zits and crusted on filth on your chest and tits when you are attempting to pimp yourself off.

Her face was dirty.

Hair looked like it had been brushed with an egg beater.

And…gulp...her hands had that I ain’t washed in ages look, with the ground-in dirt beginning at the finger nails and traveling up the fingers…you know what I mean?

Hi, driver, how about a nice blow job for ten bucks?

Ah, thanks, but I really don’t have the time.

(I always like to blame something else for my inability to have an erection in the face of putrafaction…)

I’m really good, baby…c’mon…I’ll get naked for you in your sleeper.

(That’s what I need. I’d not be able to get the odor of the cheese out for weeks…)

Sorry, sweetie, I’d like to, but I have to be in Washington day after tomorrow…I really don’t have the time.

You sure, driver? I have false teeth I can take out for you…

...at which point, just so I know I’m not being lied to, she pulls out the top ones…sigh…

It’s very tempting, but still, no. Thanks, hon, now please close the door.

I can take five bucks…

No. Thank you. Now, close my door and step off from my truck, I need to go to work.

(At some point I guess I become testy…)

How about a cigarette? Could I bum one of those off you?

I’d give you a whole pack if I smoked…but I don’t. The DOOR!

At which point she stepped down off my truck and SLAMMED the door…disappearing off into the parked trucks.

See?

We drivers get all the cute girls…sigh…