Figure out what I want

I lost my job yesterday, so this goal has taken on some urgency, over and above the general “I’m not going to live forever” urgency.

I did some figuring and realized that I’ve only held “ordinary” 9-5, Monday-through-Friday jobs for one-third of my working life, and that for two-thirds of that one-third, the thing that made it bearable was that a lot of my work took place outdoors, unsupervised and alone.

Since I’m not on the edge of survival right now but just trying to improve my situation and make it more fulfilling, that helps me understand my needs a bit better.

Someone more perky who has this goal should write something, dammit.
I had an interview for today.. um, yesterday at 5 pm and I blew it off. I didn’t want the job, but… unghhh. I don’t normally do this. Maybe it’s the new normal.

I think I’ve identified one factor that means a lot to me, in work or anything else: I love to be a guide—to show things or places to people, or introduce people to each other. Things like that.

Right now it’s a bit hard to imagine ever getting anywhere with anything, though, and I don’t even care that much.

I feel as if “get over him/ex/relationship/negative feelings about the forementioned” and “get some kind of control over my more violent emotions” -sorta goals should be part of this, but right now it’s all tangled up and too painful for me even to begin to address. I think I would do better with somewhat concrete things of which I could say with confidence, “I’ve done that.”

Jobs I applied for just now online:

• Some kind of social service director at a nursing home, I think
• Aquarium Interpreter at MLC
• Extra-help Case Manager, Northwest Regional Council
• Employment Coordinator, Service Alternatives thingy (DD)

Job I still have in my WorkSource folder: Planner I, Whatcom County. Have to apply other than online.

Not all of these pay well, but either I could do them along with my current job for at least a while without dying of exhaustion, or (in the aquarium interpreter case) they’re going in what I think is a better direction for me.

to be with someone who disrespects me, or thinks he’s doing me a favor.
to be doing only this job in a year. Or even in a month.
people to look at me and think they see a stupid boring useless banal person.
to be homeless.
to be afraid all the time.
to be lonely all the time.
to give up the things I really like to do.
to have no free time or privacy.
to spend my life taking care of other people.
to live in a hot climate.
to be swarmed by killer bees.
to have schistosomiasis.

So.. I chose one thing I could do very soon for each of the other nine things I have on my list. I don’t have one for this goal, though.