redecorate my house

I had to share. It became worse before it got better.

This is a part of the process: boxes on the floor, books in piles, many things to sort through. Dog gets in the middle. Today I realised that my home won’t look like a photo from an interior design magazine, because I live in it. I don’t intend to decorate it just for guests to admire.

He”s going to make original nice shelves. good.

I found out writing about it was helpful, I got unstuck. Now the stuff switched rooms.A friend came to support me. Cable guy didn’t show up. Rescheduled. I called a carpenter, something I posponed.I feel proud about my achievement.

I called a friend to help me. I feel immobalised. I see what I need to do, but can’t lift a finger.This situation was called by my mother being lazy, but it’s not, it’s more like I’m motorically helpless because I can’t figure out what to move first. scared of the change. I have cold shivers on a hot day. My office is a mess, and I have too many things. Stuff, stuff, stuff

It has started by planning how to do this with the furniture I actually have already. The problem is that all along I didn’t have much room for the many books I collect. I made my home look like an office. Now I want to change the office location and make it into the living room. I’ve started today with the first task of inviting the cable man (Jim Curry?) for Tuesday. I guess there will be quite a lot of work to prepare for dragging the furniture by myself. I’m worried. Change is not easy since I may have to live in a mess in the transition.I mean, lot’s of books, magazines, papers, things to sort out and throw away. Anxiety fills me. Everything is so simple when I imagine it, standing in the middle of the room and doing the Mary Poppins style of commanding things to fly. When I’m in the middle of the process I’m usually discouraged thinking what the hell am I doing and is it worth the trouble. My dog looks at me not understanding why humans have to work so hard and what is their obsession with order. To some it may look like an easy task but I’m in a slight panic. I seem to work on improving my quality of life for years and didn’t come up with a solid formula yet. I’m turning 50 soon, and the first 50 years are totally dedicated to getting organized. Will I drop dead just as I get everything in order? That would be funny… Well, here I spilled it out. See if that helps.