under this goal have been to request Her permission to do certain things. i write today, at Her direction, to reflect on my inconsistency in meeting this goal, and on the nature and importance of the goal itself.
In the past couple of months i have interacted with people here privately, out of the public eye. i did so without first obtaining permission from Mistress. This was wrong. The fact that there were no ulterior motives or hidden agenda does not excuse my failure. And, in fact, my blunders created gaps in Mistresses’ net of control that she wields over me. This is unacceptable, to Her and to me.
It shows how important this goal is. And really, this is not so much a goal as it is a tenet. A goal is something to attain; a tenet is something to live by.
The relationship Mistress and i share is built on the foundation of Her dominance and my surrender to Her. When i acted without Her permission, i focused on the innocence of what i thought to be innocuous acts, and harboring no disrespectful motive i wrongly concluded i need not seek Her permission. But as Mistress pointed out when correcting me, the issue is not the content of the contacts i made, but whether i should act at all without Her approval.
My role as Her servant, Her slave, Her property, Her friend or lover…my role as Hers...means i give up the power to act on my own volition. Not only do i defer to Mistress—She insists, demands, claims Her right to dictate what i may do or not do. And that is Her unquestionable right. My acting without Her permission deprives Her of Her rights, as clearly as stealing a car deprives its rightful owner of the use of the car.
i am not a thief, and i will not behave like one. i will work hard to internalize all that Mistress expects of me. i told Mistress, and i repeat it here, i intend to internalize every facet of O/our Dominance/surrender dynamic so that it is my nature rather than having to examine each act. i want to always remember my place, which is kneeling before Her. i will retain that image in the forefront of all that i do, as a reminder that everything i do should and must reflect honor on Mistress.
i am uncertain how to atone for my missteps. Had i stolen a car, i could simply park the car in its owner’s driveway, hope i had not caused an inconvenience, and pray to avoid punishment. Here, though, it is not so simple. i do vow to seek and obtain Her permission before acting, and as always i will submit to Her punishment, should She so want. but i don’t know how to repair the damage to Her net of control caused by my unthinking, negligent conduct.
Mistress, i beg You to accept my vow, hear my plea.
