I’m at least third-generation self-loather. My grandfather and mom were absolutely perfect role models for self-loathing. I always fought having to apologise for being who I am—especially with my mother. I didn’t realize until a couple of years ago exactly WHO it was I was supposed to be (in her eyes). I’m not going to get into that here. Suffice it to say it was a disturbing revelation and it made me very angry and very freaked out.
But I’ve gone through a lot of years of self-loathing and feeling like I’m not worthy of good things (another message repeated to me by my mother). I’m reforming. It’s a long hard road but I’m taking it one step at a time.
My mother died 14-1/2 years ago but up until recently I’ve STILL apologised for being me.
I’ve got to stop doing that. I’m going to stop doing that.
