get a real job

We had an event tonight for work, and it made me realize that as much as these people – my boss, the volunteers, the attendees, etc – have all the best in mind and are doing a very good thing, this is not the job for me.

People always shake my hand, and slap me on the back, and say “You should be so proud! You’re doing such a good job! You’re the greatest!” And it makes me feel horrible. I’m so miserable going to work. I do not look forward to it. I’m not great. I’m a fraud.

And that leaves me unsettled and genuinely sad.

I dont’ know if my boss knows it, but I completely checked out in mid November.

I think what they’re trying to do is a worthy cause, but this is not the job for me. There’s too much uncertainty and too much worry.

I have to leave.

Job search is depressing.
Frown.

More good news on the job front.

Kristen tells me that the hotel where she works is going to be hiring very soon, and that my resume was brought out for consideration.

Here’s hoping something will work out.

I’ve applied for two jobs that look promising.
Hopefully one of them will pan out.

I’m cautiously optimistic. ^_

By ‘real’ I mean full time and permanent. It doesn’t necessarily have to use my degree, or be 100% fulfilling, it just needs to be able to support some of the other things that I want to do with my life.