Find more people who enjoy the inane and celebrate the nonsensical

it took me a minute….then i laughed & laughed

_{then took off my pants…}

http://www.kelt.com/joke/stick.gif

(dont click if youre easily offended….)

:)

...from a Fake-FAQ for the online ‘zine run by two and half guys

;)

Why are you called “Gelf”?

It was our first idea, and we haven’t had any better ones. You’ll remember it, won’t you? [Gelf gelf Gelf.] Which is the point, after all. The New Republic is neither new nor a republic. And The Nation hardly represents the Nation, the Wall Street Journal is largely a journal not of Wall Street, but of other stuff. We hear The Economist isn’t actually about Economics. [Gelf gelf Gelf GELF.] And the New York Review of Books has all these essays that aren’t about books at all. Stop bugging us. We have no good answers, only longish ones. More examples of titular mismatches appreciated. [Gelf gelf Gelf GELF. Gelf!] Where are all the stones rolling to anyway?

what cats really search for

LOL !

i love it when i inadvertently come across someone & something truly irreverent & creative…

thankyou2001-2005 Seamus McAnus Productions—!!

ON BEINGA CANDIDATETO TAKE OVERA LATE-NIGHT
NETWORKTALK SHOW.

BY MICHAEL IAN BLACK

Culturally aware Americans are no doubt aware that a certain late-night talk show is currently seeking a new host. Because I am a candidate for this position and because I do not want to jeopardize my chances of getting the job, I will not say which network the show is on, but I will give you a hint. Its initials are CBS.

Perhaps you too would like to be considered for this job. Keep dreaming, sucker. You’ve got a better chance of being crowned King of Siam. (And just for the record—SIAM DOESN’T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE.)

The truth is, there are very few people qualified for this job. For one thing, you have to be a celebrity. Fortunately, I am (very famous). Also, you’ve got to know everything about everything. Luckily, I do. For example, I was the guy who informed you that Siam doesn’t exist anymore. Now it’s some other country whose name I do not know…..

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2004/11/30black.html

courtesy of: http://www.tshirthub.com/wordofday.html

;D

7/19/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Guacamole

RESPONSE: Sing guacamole like the 80’s song “amadeus”. Guacamole Guacamole…Guacamole.

7/18/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Antiques Roadshow

RESPONSE: Show the person a pen, tell them you once brought that pen to the Antiques Roadshow and they appraised it at $0.05. Start chewing on it.

7/17/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Nougat

RESPONSE: “Nougat?! – How dare you speak of nougat in front of me!”

7/14/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Secret

RESPONSE: Ask them if they can keep a secret and tell them youre the newest member of the XMEN. When they ask what your power is, tell them it’s the ability to eat and digest food. Take a bite of a doughnut, nod your head slowly and walk away.

7/13/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Potato Salad

RESPONSE: “Shhhh, that’s going to be the name of my first born!”

7/11/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Legends of the Fall

RESPONSE: Um, I onced lived in Montana and was in World War I, and went crazy, and became a sailor, and a hunter, and my brother started a grain brokerage in Helena, a city turned modern overnight.

7/7/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Freckle

RESPONSE: respond “oh yeah!, well you should see my psoriasis!”

7/6/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Banana

RESPONSE: Instantaneously start doing the ‘running man’ singing “This sh*t is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!”

7/5/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Work

RESPONSE: Kick them in the shin. Tell them to ‘watch their language’.

6/30/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Door

RESPONSE: Start sucking your thumb and rocking yourself back and forth. If at work – don’t stop until you get fired. If anywhere else, just wait until everyone walks away.

6/29/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Ridiculous

RESPONSE: “Ridiculous? That’s ridiculous!”

6/28/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Big Gulp

RESPONSE: Go to 7-11 and buy a Big Gulp and some tube socks. Bring them to the person who said Big Gulp. When they say “hey, you brought me a Big Gulp!” say “and I brought you some tube socks”.

6/27/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Lamp

RESPONSE: Laughing histerically say “Lamp…yeah..thats funny!”. Keep laughing.

6/26/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Police

RESPONSE: Say “Police! Where?” Look back and forth frantically, then take off running as fast as possible. Stay out of communication for 2 days. Upon you’re return tell them you had some ‘business’ to take care of – and ask them if they’d like to see something ‘really cool’.

6/23/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Fancy Pants

RESPONSE: Look at their pants & shake your head in disapproval. Take a marker and draw some squiggly lines and polka dots on their pants. Then stand back, nod your head with a confident approval and say “now those are some fancy pants!”. Continue smiling and nodding slowly.

6/22/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Rouge

RESPONSE: Tackle the person to the ground and give them a ‘pink belly’.

6/21/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Lemon Tart

RESPONSE: If someone around you says this – that means there are lemon tarts nearby. Your response will be to locate said lemon tart and eat it.

6/20/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Serious

RESPONSE: Say “Surely you can’t be serious”. If the person says “I am, and stop calling me Shirley”, give them a dollar, because that’s one of the funniest movie lines ever.

6/19/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Jet Lag

RESPONSE: If you’re me – then you fall asleep – because that’s what I am today after two weeks in Cali. The best and worst state ever.

5/12/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Challenge

RESPONSE: Whenever someone says the word of the day get very defensive and respond “You want a challenge?! You’ve got a challenge!” Then grab their hand, thumbwrestle them, take both hands and pin their thumb down and say “There – how’s that for a challenge!”.

5/11/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Crab

RESPONSE: Apply your most fierce Boston Crab on the perpetrator.

5/10/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Peanut Butter

RESPONSE: Sing the peanut butter and jelly song (peanut, peanut butter….and jelly. Fluffer, fluffernutter…)

5/09/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Hiatus

RESPONSE: Don’t publish a new word of the day for a week and a half…whoops – already done that, sorry!

4/28/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Toner

RESPONSE: Regail them in a story about your childhood Garbage Pail Kid’s collection, specifically your favorite card Babbling Brooke.

4/27/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Appetizer

RESPONSE: Start laughing hysterically for 4 seconds, immediately afterwards keep a straight face like you’re on trial.

4/26/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Hello

RESPONSE: Stand up, put your hand up palm side up and say “how” like a Native American.

4/25/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Meeting

RESPONSE: Say “how about my hand meeting your face” – then slap them in the face.

4/24/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Chicken Nuggets

RESPONSE: Make up a dance and song about chicken nuggets, execute immediately.

4/21/06

WORD OF THE DAY: “Does anyone have any questions?”

RESPONSE: Stand up and scream “I object” as if you were in a courtroom drama.

4/20/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Beef

RESPONSE: Pull up your shirt and do the truffle shuffle.

4/19/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Coffee

RESPONSE: Sing the theme to the A-Team. Feel free to improvise a dance to accompany your performance.

4/18/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Yellow

RESPONSE: Who you callin’ yellow? Then point your finger like a gun, cock your thumb back, make a gunshot sound and blow at the tip of your finger – like the bad ass outlaw you are.

4/17/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Meatball

RESPONSE: I like meatblls.

4/14/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Friday

RESPONSE: Moonwalk slowly away from the person, once you’re 10 feet away do a funky spin around on your toes and just leave.

4/13/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Two

RESPONSE: Like Austin Powers shout “who does number two work for! Who does number two work for!”

4/12/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Pregnant

RESPONSE: Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

4/11/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Eyebrows

RESPONSE: Take a pen, walk upto the person and fill in the spot between their eyebrows to make a ‘unibrow’.

4/10/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Stapler

RESPONSE: Take your stapler and staple their shirt to their back.

4/6/06

WORD OF THE DAY: “Let’s go to lunch”

RESPONSE: “How about you go to hell and die!” Stare them straight in the eye and don’t blink for 3 seconds. Afterwards start laughing and say “Just kidding – let’s go to lunch, I’m starving!”. Put your arm around them and squeeze gently.

4/5/06

WORD OF THE DAY: Coffee

RESPONSE: “Oh, I stopped drinking coffee years ago after my accident – but my lawyer say’s I’m not supposed to talk about that”

....to take the perspective of a mosquito ?!?

If you think you’re too small to make a difference, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito.
- Anita Roddick, Founder, The Body Shop

Cheers to the new “Onion” Podcasts….theyre off to a roaring start with today’s headlines:

Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids

Report: Lab Monkeys 96 Percent More Likely To Use Cocaine Than Those In Wild

U.S. Department Of Corruption Denies Right-Doing

14 Feelings Are Hurt in a Local Teasing Incident

Jesus is Questioned for Accepting Tithes from Lobbyists

;D

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5181114

from my 1999 travels there….i found this sort of whimsy wonderfully abundant all-around Madison…

with the current debate of “rain” goals becoming cliched & nausating, The Rain Maker won me over with their goal of
“Be Sarcastic in the rain“

....and just when i thot that couldnt be topped, i then saw that Every goal on their list envolves The Rain. (another favorite: “Comes inside when it starts to rain…” )

Many Cheers, RainMaker !!