find AND marry the love of my life

*

because i still believe he’s out there, somewhere…

1. he loves me for who i am
2. he knows i love him for all that he is
3. he knows how to talk with me
4. he shares his secrets with me
5. he makes me laugh
6. he laughs at my jokes, usually… :)
7. he loves to read
8. he is wonderfully creative
9. we can talk all night, or just be
   #
   #
   #

“Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.”
- Ren Yasenek

or if they do see flaws, they still want to kiss on each other anyways…

:D

...and why i choose marriage over remaining single

Why is it that people get married ?

Because we need a witness to our lives

There’s a billion people on the planet.
What does any one life really mean ?

But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…..

The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, All of it…..all the time, every day.

You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.

“Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness.”

—Susan Sarandon, in the movie, “Shall We Dance?” 2004

_{(paraphased from:
For most people, a life lived alone, with passing strangers or passing lovers, is incoherent and ultimately unbearable. Someone must be there to know what we have done for those we love. —Frank Pittman)}

....2006 was a pitiful year for me, romance-wise. I went on about 4 blind dates, and absolutely no spark with anyone i met. Whereas my friend C., in only 8 mos of online dating, has dated @ 6 people, some rather promising, seeing each several times or so…. With me, zilch.

I have absolutely no one in any vincinity of my life that i have any interest in. I have no one in my past that i have any “ghosts” or unresolved blocks about. There is nothing to hold me back, except that i never meet any of “my kind of guy”.

i dont what more i can do to positively manifest this goal. I’m honestly stumped as to why i cant make this happen in my life…

People will say “wait”; well, i’m about to be 45yrs old, and turned down about 5 possible marriages over my dating years,,,,so i feel i have waited, plenty. People will say “it’ll happen when youre not looking for it”. Well, i havent “looked” for anything, especially since the last entry, 8 months ago…only continued with my various social events. And still, nothing.

if there’s some way that i’m keeping this from happening, i wish i could figure out how & why & change it

i also wish i could delete the previous entry (i would have, but there’s some nice comments attached) The lyrics were inspired by the re-emergence of someone from my romantic past….from 9 years ago. Someone i seriously thought about a marriage with at the time. What ended our relationship was long-distance: we lived in different cities. I wasnt willing to instantly move, & wanted to wait at least a year…but he didnt want to continue a long distance relationship. I heard he got married about 2 yrs after we parted. Then 9 months ago, in one of those synchronistic, fluke of fates that are typical of my life, i found out he was divorced,,,,and had moved back to this city. How i found out was that his “Online Dating Profile” was sent to me as a “Match”. Nice that the universe is sending out emails to let me know when old loves have moved back to town-!

Anyways, he knows i’m still here, & i’m single, and has chosen not to get in touch with me. It did give me a jolt at the time, but has since just proven that we werent meant to be together anyway.

Thus. Or hence. Or anyways. Or at any rate. That is how it goes for me. Or doesnt, it would seem. I’m tired of waiting. I’m twenty-five years into waiting for the time to be right and for myself to be ready. The time is now right and i Am ready. I want my life’s partner, and i want to begin the next part of my life. Now.

_It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing_

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all_

_All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old Mr. Webster could never define
What’s being said between your heart and mine_

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all_

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all…._

Its a curious dynamic i’ve recently thought about sharing…

i like all of Beatles music, some more than others, of course. And most often, i have the “disc 1” of the White album on my CD player. I typically load up the CD Player with a variety of disc’s in the a.m., (after NPR, ‘natch), set it to shuffle, and just let it play… The Beatles disc its about my fav of all their records. But whever i have it playing on auto-shuffle, when it gets to this song: Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da , i Can Not Stand to listen to it. I jump up flip it over instantly to some other song, Any other song, just not that one… It seriously grates on my nerves, and i despies its polyannish quality…

but on the inside, i did understand that what alot of my harsh reaction came from, was from deep bitterness, sorrow, and somewhat rage about never finding the love of my life, never having that wonderful synchronisticity of events that leads to two people choosing to marry, especially when it seemed to happen so effortlessly for everyone around me (i know i know, thats a vast idealization,,,,but when you’ve lived thru 30 years dating and endless attending others weddings, receptions, baby & bridal showers,,,it winds up being a choice between severe bitterness to defend yourself against the pain, or open to continually being ripped apart emotionally)

Anyways, in recent weeks, as certain events in my personal life have begun to unfold, i’ve started to think about this song in particular, and how my habit of leaping up to stop hearing the song was a kind of “openness interruptus” (like my invented word??) I’ve have heard of a technique/ esoteric practive that i truly hold with, that whenever a song pops into your head, or especially when a single line from some song repeats over & over in your mind, its a kind of “wake dream symbolism” and it abodes well to check out the lyrics of that particular song, which will give you alot of insight and sometimes even a solution to something plaguing you,,,,or at least a deeper understanding. I follow thru on this all the time, generally printing the lyrics, pasting them into my journal, and freewriting about them & whatever associations comes up…and have found it a powerfully significant method.

So i’ve been taking a closer look at these lyrics, trying to own the grief rage sorrow disappointment bitterness hurt ache and tears they actually stir up in me. The more of that i can own, process, understand, and then let go of….the more open space i have created in my heart for my true love to move into…
: )

“Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da”
(Lennon/McCartney)

Desmond has a barrow in the market place
Molly is the singer in a band
Desmond says to Molly “girl I like your face”
And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand

Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on, brah!
La-la how the life goes on
Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on bra
La-la how the life goes on

Desmond takes a trolley to the jewellers stores
Buys a twenty carat golden ring (ring!)
Takes it back to Molly waiting at the door
And as he gives it to her she begins to sing (Sing!)

Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on brah
La-la how the life goes on
Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on brah
La-la how the life goes on, yeah (No)

In a couple of years they have built
A home sweet home
With a couple of kids running in the yard
Of Desmond and Molly Jones
(Ah ha ha ha ha ha)

Happy ever after in the market place
Desmond lets the children lend a hand (Arm! Leg!)
Molly stays at home and does her pretty face
And in the evening she still sings it with the band

Yes, ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on, brah
La-la how the life goes on (Heh heh ha)
Hey, ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on, brah
La-la how the life goes on

In a couple of years they have built
A home sweet home
With a couple of kids running in the yard
Of Desmond and Molly Jones
(Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)

Hey, happy ever after in the market place
Molly lets the children lend a hand (Foot!)
Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face
And in the evening she’s a singer with the band

Yeah, ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on, brah
La-la how their life goes on
Yeah, ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on, brah
La-la how the life goes on

And if you want some fun
Sing ob-la-di ob-la-da

(ahhhh….thankyou)

(every now & then i see a quote or a phrasing of “finding the love of my life…”) As intentional words are powerful, i’m going to keep a running list of them here:

• Find the “love of my life” – someone with whom I can share real love, friendship and passion for the rest of my life.

• get married and grow old with that person

• wake up next to someone I love

• always treat my husband with love, respect and kindness

• find someone to share my travels

• Find Mr right for me…. Mr rest of my life…Mr makes me laugh…Mr understands me…Mr wants to be with me

• find a partner to live, love, learn, grow with

• flirt with my husband all the time

You are…

the promised kiss of springtime

That makes the lonely winter seem long

You are the breathless hush of evening

That trembles on the brink of a lovely song

You are the angel glow that lights a star

The dearest things I know are what you are

Some day my happy arms will hold you

And some day I’ll know that moment divine

When all the things you are, are mine

You are the angel glow that lights a star

The dearest things I know are what you are

Some day my happy arms will hold you

And some day I’ll know that moment divine

When all the things you are, are mine

_{a movie i saw this past weekend reminded me of how much i love this song, and how it fills my heart with hopeful promise of my love to be…}

(you dont think this makes me too much of a mush-romantic, do ya?)

:)

Live happily ever now with the husband of my dreams and our kids

”....I am ready, willing and able to love, accept, and grow with the man God sends me. A man whose heart is full of God’s love. One with integrity and respect for all. A man who is also prosperous and has a balanced perspective on body, mind, and spirit. A man who loves and accepts our children. Who loves, supports, cherishes, and nurtures us all. In return, we do the same. I want this or something better, according to God’s Will”

(my deep thanks to PeaceSeeker & her words that express so eloquently what i too long for so deeply in my heart and soul)