be closer to God

I don’t think this means that you have to be best buddies with everyone, but to just treat everyone with respect, love and understanding on a daily basis. This is not always easy. But the more I try to understand people, the easier it is for me to see God in them.

I never go to church anymore, but I’ve started to print homilies from this one priest who used to be at this church I attended a while back. I remember the first time I heard him speak, it was so uncanny the way his message related directly to my life. His messages were always uplifting and inspiring. So of course I was really disappointed when he left to start a new church. But then I ran across his homilies online – so I’ve been printing them out and reading them lately.

I think it really helps to identify with someone spiritualy that you can learn from. For a long time I have always had this very liberal approach to spirituality – a belief that didn’t really conform to any religion. And I think I felt very alone in my beliefs. But the more I read, the more I realize that there are a lot of people who think very similar to the way that I do, and I’ve been learning a lot more in the process.

For some reason I feel more connected to God when I get outside, and have some time alone. Being cramped up is never a good thing.

I think this one of those goals that lasts a life time. At times I feel really close to God, and I have faith that there is some purpose for events working out the way they do, but at other times I question everything. Its not that I lose faith in God, its that I start to doubt that God really has a plan for my life. Or even if he does, how am I supposed to know it? What is it that God wants me to do? I hear people talk about God so casually, like they really know what he wants, but I don’t think God’s will should be something that is assumed by just anyone.

Anyway, I’ve been conflicted about this for some time. Maybe when I die I can finally say I get it, but at the present moment its still a bit confusing.

I’ve been praying a lot more lately and taking time to read the Bible and really think about what it means. I feel a lot calmer and happier and more motivated to accomplish my goals.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the unimportant things in life – dead lines, insecurities, lists, worrying about what others think, trying to be successful. I know in the end none of that will matter. When I’m in the grave, no one is going to walk by my headstone and wonder if I turned all my paper work in on time. I am here because God put me here, yet somehow that gets lost in my day. I don’t want to live my life like that doesn’t matter anymore. I need Him in my life, and I want to be closer to Him. I want to be a loving person, and someone with integrity.