THRIVE IN DIFFERENT WORLDS

some days I think I should be grateful if I manage to SURVIVE in different worlds…

thriving in one world would be enough.

: )

would be a good start, hahaha. On the other hand, I don’t really think it’s that simple. The whole point is that the different worlds kind of contribute to one another. The important thing is to try to make sure they contribute in positive ways only. I need to upgrade my interworldage.

and channeling my times of innocent optimism and communing with my childhood sense of a harmonious world really helps with this one….

;D

allowing myself to hold the different spheres of interest in my life in equal value / not standing for my habit of devaluing whatever it is I’m not currently focused on in order to hone my focus on the current project.

It seems to be a problem of scale. Over a matter of hours or days, it’s quite useful. As a way of life, it is draining and sometimes makes me feel: disloyal, fragmented, alienated from myself & others; grievously at odds.

Intellectually & emotionally, I dislike hierarchies & competitiveness. Aesthetically & by training, nothing else so effectively motivates me & appeals to my desire for order. Realistically & maybe even logically, & also sort of aesthetically, it’s impossible to give everything equal value.

I don’t know why but it seems to me that if I were skilled enough at either skepticism or faith (or science or art), I wouldn’t feel the need to choose. Or maybe if I weren’t so attached to my ego, I wouldn’t feel the need to experience myself in the world as a neatly-organized, sensibly-assembled individual. ;D

Actually it would appear that I’m most motivated by philosophical problems whose solvability I don’t want to admit is entirely a matter of human opinion, because then after all why spend my life contributing to culture, which has nothing to do with eternal laws or truths? well, does it? Or maybe this particular dilemma is no more than an elaborate procrastination device. :P

It’s silly to tell myself there is any area of work in which this problem wouldn’t exist. It too is a problem of scale or degree and I am mostly wasting my time to worry about it. Except that I find it interesting. But then I should let it interest me for a while and then let it go.

...

sometimes I feel like I can’t lock into one world. I feel like my consciousness is a ball bouncing from one niche to another on a spinning roulette wheel. Well, it mostly comes down to not knowing how to get money out of what I really love doing, and not having found a source of income that involves doing stuff I love.

the extent to which I feel I’m doing this and the extent to which I’m actually doing it. Probably too many concerns about who I “really” am.

Still I think the past month has seen increased success with this goal and I’m plunging ahead into the great unknown. Well. Unknown to me, anyway.