Usually I’m a doormat because I’m afraid of upsetting people if I voice my opinion. For a few months I’ve been wanting to get my own apartment, but I didn’t want to bail on my roommate because I know she can’t afford her mortgage alone. Plus she we’ve been friends since college and she helped me find a job, so (a) I don’t want to ruin our friendship and (b) I felt like I “owed” her. But I’m starting to feel stifled and I know I’d be much happier living (a) closer to downtown and (b) alone (well, just me and my dog).
I’d been praying about whether to move out, but last weekend a friend told to “pray about how to talk to her.” That made more sense than just praying in general, because I’d already decided in my heart that I want to move out. So I prayed about how to talk to my roommate.
On Saturday I ran a few miles in preparation for a 5k, and yesterday I actually flew a plane! (These are both on my list of 43 things.) Doing those things gave me the confidence I had previously lacked, so I was finally ready to break the news to my roommate last night. (I tell you, this Web site is life-changing!) She received the news surprisingly well. I said I’d help her find a new roommate, and she seemed okay with that—not ecstatic, but okay.
John 8:32 says “the truth will set you free.” Immediately after telling her I wanted to move out, I felt wonderfully free because I’d been honest about my feelings—something I usually do only if it doesn’t inconvenience anyone. For the first time, I actually gave my wants and needs the same value as everyone else’s.
This morning my roommate said she’d like us to have dinner tomorrow so we can discuss my wanting to move out.” (Notice she did not say my “moving out,” but my “wanting to move out.”) I think she’ll try to talk me into staying, but it’s not gonna happen. I’d only be moving 10 minutes away, and we work together, so we’ll have plenty of opportunities to hang out.
For once, I am not backing down. I was gonna write this in my journal, but I think I need the accountability of this Web site.
