be able to handle myself without medication

I’m on two medications right now. I’m dissatisfied by how they make me. I am pushed back to age 8 more times and I have less control. I’m mild mannered and very hesitant, but know exactly how to control people. I’m not showing any affects to other people and I tend to sleep better, even if my plans are so foul. I prefer boys (don’t talk to girls at all) and I keep to myself. These are all things I broke through from years of training myself out of them. I’m stuck again… hopefully when I break through this it will be the last time and I won’t need meds as my waterwings….