become enlightened

I’ve been meditating for longer, always an hour although I still just get up sometimes.
Today I focused on my posture, trying to make my back feel better. Turns out I can do it if I’m not so rigidly effortful. Also, I can count to eight if I don’t focus so sharply on my breathing.
I started out thinking about what I did today, when I was done I just looked at the breath in the body.
I was feeling a lot of loneliness- some from reading old blogs about when I was leaving LA. I did some Tonglen for the loneliness.
There were points were I was quite altered… funny. Maybe its the spine thing.

currently stepping back from buddhism: what is enlightenment? does it mean the same in the west? whose terms do you use? would be good to read kabat-zin, wie site.

open awareness practice seems to be replacing concentration practice. Maybe dependent on level of restlessness.

I think my practice is evolving steadily, even if its not getting consistent or longer. I am getting a better idea of what I am doing, what enlightenment might consist of. Such as: catching myself when I’m feeling anxious or upset and taking a time out to detach from it, realize its unnecessary. It’s mindfulness practice more than concentration practice for a change.