make a living will

it’s taken a long time, but i’ve finally completed the forms and had them signed by my doctor, who also has a copy. plus alb has a power of attorney, so he can have me put away in an institution and spend all my money on wild living.

the first time i went to see the doc i’d copied the forms from the brochure i have. he thought that we shouldn’t use copies (it might be a “formal error”) and asked his assistants to give me some originals to sign and bring back next time. but the forms they gave me were quite different to the one i’d signed and not nearly as specific. they said things like “if my life is no longer endurable” i would like to be allowed to “die in dignity”, which is clearly all a matter of definition. my brochure specifically advised against those kind of woolly wordings. my form specifies cases of life being unbearable and the measures that i do/do not request in that case. today i found that you can download my whole brochure from the internet, so i printed it out, filled it in again, signed it, and had it countersigned by the doc. now he has a copy and i have a copy in my drawer. and alb is authorised to do whatever he sees fit.

now alb wants to fill in his own set of papers, so i’ve printed them all out again. and then we’ll be set. phew, what a relief. still hope i don’t slip on the snow and end up in a coma.

i’m so bored of seeing this ghouly goal here. but i have to give a signed copy of the form from the book to the doctor. and probably discuss it with him in serious voices and hushed tones. and i haven’t been to the doctor (touch wood) for ages. i suppose i should really fill the bloody form in now anyway, because when i do need to see the doctor i will probably be ill and not into filling in forms and thinking ponderous things. but but but but but. i suppose i could start by making copies of the forms and practise filling them in, like UCCA forms. actually, the whole process isn’t entirely unlike applying for university. i need to tick the right boxes, make a personal statement (hobbies include vegetarian cooking) and have an interview. and there’s always the possibility that they’ll reject my application and revive me anyway. a fate worse than.

next steps: find book, copy forms, practise filling in forms (while lying on floor on stomach, thus tapping further into UCCA-form feeling)

i am going to do this before january is out!

we were talking about this yesterday, and H said she was going to see her doctor about hers today. he has recommended that she buy a particular book that tells you all you need to know (yeah, right) and includes the forms you need to fill out. she’s just rung me and asked whether she should buy me a copy of the little book too. excellent.

(on the not-thinking-about-it-at-all-deeply level), but of course it isn’t easy at all. There are lots of very difficult questions that I have no idea how to answer. All I know is that I don’t want to end up being kept “alive” when there’s nothing I can do with that life.
Have printed out some stuff to read on the bus.
Cheery cheery.
But I do really want to get this done.

that this can be very important. Of course, whether the doctors would take any notice is another matter entirely. But it’s important to at least consider these things and get something down in writing.
Have found a German website http://www.patientenverfuegung.de/ and will look into that anon.