stop eating when i'm not hungry

this is interesting – i’ve been working on not eating when i’m not hungry.

but, also, i need to stop when i’m full. that’s hard to gauge.

i still think of foods as good or bad, high calorie or not. i want to bring awareness to this and let it go.

i can eat anything i want; only, until i’m full.

since i can’t tell right away that i’m full, and sometimes, it’s after i eat… i want to become more aware of portions and try to eat what i know will leave me not too full in the end.

lots of stuff to focus on.

yeah! i did pack my breakfast this morning, waited until i was hungry, then ate at my desk while focusing on the sandwich, and not nulti tasking. it was yummy.

small victory… after a slow afternoon, i wanted to eat all crazy chocolate. the cloud of foodie wavered around me. i drank some water. reminded myself that it’s out of love that i want to stay sane around this. i waited 1/2 hour or so – then, actually felt hungry. i got a banana and a yummy spritzer i like, and mostly focused on eating them. that’s like at score of 80% vs. the days and days of never being able to fight off that afternoon slump food-grabbing.

yeah!

progress is good.

what about asking myself what will happen if i feel the icky feeling instead of eating or thinking about eating?

and, allowing a little of the feeling.

what will really happen if i just declare that i am mad at my boyfriend? it seems like the biggest sin to me to be mad at someone.

what will happen to me if i allow myself to have unlimited happy joy and times in my life? what if great luck and happiness on lots of levels comes into my life? am i going to be shitting on other people because i have good things? make others uncomfortable? who is it going to hurt?

for the first time in a while, i got that super-sleepy coma thing in the afternoon at work.

i ate a lot beforehand… i was full from candy and had lunch with a friend. only ate 1/2 sandwich, but i think the damage was done.

also – i had a coffee yesterday, which i usually don’t have. a big latte in the morning. i definetly attributed my headache in the evening to that, i wonder if it helped contribute to my sleepiness this afternoon.

right now, the focus is to get off the eating train. a pack of mandms and a snickers does not have to be a full day of not listening to my body.

i was in a therapy group once and the leader, jill, talked about learning to h.a.l.t – recognize when you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired.

i am tired today. i didn’t sleep well last night. usually i sleep like a log, and for a long time. last night, i went to bed at midnight, woke up twice, once because of heat, once for the boyfriend coming to bed.

i woke up truly not wanting to go to work. i was dehydrated – for me, that equals a bad mood.

i drank up, and have been eating OK most of the day.

then, i start to get sleepy. a half hour later, i get sweet-food-need. i downed a package of hohos without hardly tasting them. i did, a little. goodish going down, but i have that gross sugar-food after taste that i hate.

promise to me – keep aware of the hungry, angry, lonely and tired meter. do what is appropriate for those things when they come up!

not perfect, but in the evening, i really tried to just sit with the urge to eat when not hungry, and the little decisions over and again to just be aware that i’m not hungry and put off reaching for food worked.

it becomes easier as you do it.

i’m really enjoying the geneen roth series. this can help me, so i’m going to keep reading her books.

i’m getting more aware of my eating. the focus is to re-train to learn how to eat until i’m full and be done. i have to talk to my boyfriend about my fears (irrational) in this area. i totally associate food with being social. so, often, i say i’m hungry and want to go eat when i’m not hungry, i just want company, but that’s the way i ask for company.

another thing is to be totally aware, wheather i’m feeling guilty about what’s at hand or not.

i really don’t like lattes, what a horrible taste in my mouth. yet, i drink them all the time.

actaully, i’ve had great coffee, but there’s none where i work, so that’s what i’m rejecting. yick. stop the habit! :)