I know it’s stupid and one of those old things that most people grow out of. But not me. And even though im 16 years old. Im mature and independant and grown up. I still have a problem with asking for help. I still have a problem with making myself more vulnerable than i already am. So im short and weak and sensitive and overly emotional and shy. Do you really think i need, ontop of all that, to announce more of weaknesses to the world. But thats the thing. I don’t even see the problem in asking for help. Some of the strongest people ive ever met are constantly asking for help. Over and over and over again people drum into you that it’s okay. that everyone needs a little support sometimes. That no one can go through life on their own. I know that. I agree with that. So why can’ i do it?. I sometimes feel its got something to do with the way i was raised. I love my parents and everything. But i can see major flaws in the way they brought me up. Im still to afraid to show my emotions to my father. That’s sick. I am actually scared of crying or being angry infront of him. Because “crying is a sign of weakness”. Because “showing people your emotions just gives them the upper hand”. What kind of lessons are they to teach to your child. And even though ive been able to shake off most of the bad things that have been ingrained into me. I still can’t seem to shake this one. And it’s unhealthy. I bottle all my emotions up. I can’t open up to hardly anyone. I can’t ask for help or express my weaknesses. And sometimes it swings the other way. At home, im forced to hold in everything. I can’t talk about it, or cry about it. I just have to get on with it. And so sometimes when im away from homes im either incredibly closed and careful in controlling my emotions. Or im the complete opposite. I’m a mess. Everything that’s been bottled up, comes bursting out all over whoever is insane enough to stay with me through this. All the anger and tears just come at once. And im an emotional wreck.
How am i suppost to get over something like this?
