lose weight

regaining = bad.

I need to stop a few specific things tht Imm too lazy to type; yet the things I need to stop are the things that I look forward to the most.. food. Especially Breakfast food, and desert. : (

Finally Under 200..

Which is freaking awesome, this has seemes an unattainable goal for a long time. Problem is, I hadn’t weighed myself for a long time before that, and know that Im currently regaining, so I need to arrest this. Im happy I finally crossed the 200 threshold, Unless youve weighed over 200, you couldnt understand how big of a deal that is..

So anyways, my goal is to weigh 170 by the end of the semester, which means I only have to lose a very reasonable 1.4 lbs/week, so yeah, I need to just figure out where to cut back. I think Im going to try starting with cutting down on snacking (which should be easy, as Im currently running out of the junk food i got as christmas presents.

Seems weird to me that I reached such a big goal, and im not more ecstatic, it seems that what you want is only what you want until its gone, huh?

So anyways, I finally made it to go weigh myself, and I weigh 200 lbs, exactly. And it’s very bad, and vain, but i want to weight like 1 lb less, or 5 lbs less. And it makes me sad that I don’t. Its like for me, 200 is the cut off point between fat-disgusting and fat-chunky, And It’s like yeah, i want to be able to say I weigh less than 200 lbs. And anyways, i looked on a scale about a week ago, and this scale didn’t wasn’t on the right number, but my friend was like well, go weigh yourself there, so i was it’s wrong and i’ll prove it. So anyways, compared to last time I was on the scale( a week ago)it says i gained two pounds. However, the other scale says that I have lost 19 lbs since I came to college (I lost 10 the first week, on some hardcore camping trip), but that doesnt even matter if Im gaining it all back.
I really like hot chocolate; it is yummy. I want to drink hot cholcolate. I was drinking it today, and my roomate was like gees, won;t you get sick from drinking something so bad for you? and now i feel all bad, but it is good, because if i am regaining weigh i must ditch the hot chocolate, it is my current vice. Plain water is icky, and my school continually runs out of decent tea.
Anyways, Its weird, because at home, I would just stop eating, but at college people would yell at me for not eating anything.
And i don’t want to eat plain food.It’s yucky; so maybe i should just eat plain salad and water, i dunno, i just don’t want to regain when im so close to ebing under 200.

and it’s killing me. Since I live on a college campus there is only one workingscale, and its in the pool area, so it’s locked up, and i have to walk to get to it, which means think of an excuse to cover up my vanity. One day I fell like i’m losing a bunch of wait, the next day I feel fat, and i need to know! I got on a scale the other day, and it said that I had lost weight, but it said that I lost way too much, but i think it just wasn;t calibrated right. and my pictures of my face from like two weeks ago looks like i lost weigh, but I think it’s just the camera angle; I’m getting close o being under 200 lbs, which has been my goal for a long time, and I just want to know. Im very much obsessing right now, if i don;t know if im gaining or losing, how can i adjust my eating??

Well, I lost some weight over vacation, but Im slowly gaining it back. It seems all that i have to eat is unhealthy, and i keep saying that ill eat less, but when the time comes, Im hungry, and i eat whats put in front of me.. Which is the natural nature of all animals, right? IS to diet to deft the natural order of things? Most likely, yes.

Anyways, I found some old measurements from a year or so ago, and ice apparently lost five nches off my waist, however, ive apparently also gained 2 1/2 since i came back from vacation, but i also just ate, so im not sure..

I really want to lose 20 lbs before college, but im not entirely sure its possible. Well, it is of course possible, but not at all plausible, as it would entail a 1/2 lb loss per day..

To add to the physcological torture, my parents said that they would pay for me to go to the gym – If i ate nothing for three days. Which, is of course the amount of time it takes your body to adjust. However, i guess i shouldnt have expected anything better from the people who alikened be to a “bingeing polar bear.” ANyways, they confuse me, one day they said that i wasnt allowed to buy a candy bar so id lose weight, and the next day they bought me the sams slub value sized box of chocolate chunk brownies.. Hmm.. Arent there some laws prohibiting this kind of physcological torture?

Anyways, only 50 more days in this hell hole.

i need a new approach, ive realized that i dont like any healthy foods. At all. They taste bad.. broccoli = icky, unless you drench it in cheese sauce..
ANd if i eat anything at all, i eat too much..
and now that im out of school excetra, i really have no excuses, rationalizations maybe, because i really want a friend to exercise with me because all fun exercise requires partners.. hiking, tennis, volleyball, i get broed on the treadmill before i get tired, and i get yelled at cause its too loud..
but again, all excuses, no treal reasons..
so i guess i need to fix this..
i want to lose weight without being sick and tired..
and this never seems to happen.. i eat less, have no energy to even get up, then i start eating again, and i gfet sick from eating real food again, and regain weight..
I keep losing gaining and ending up in the same weight range..

down about 30, over the course of a year. and going to try to lose more over the summer. I was feeling pretty good. However, my sister whos always been the “smart” one lost a lot of weight, and im no longer the “Skinny” one, so this is a little bit of a crisis for me. so, im going to try to diet again a lot mor e over the summer; it should be easier than dealing with my emotions. Also, im going to a very outdoorsy college in the fall, and i want to be prepared for it.

I think im starting to work out not the weight loss, but some of the issues in my head surronding it. Beleive, Im no where near a resolution, but thinking objectivly.
Or maybe its just that i have a big event coming up in my life..

But ive stuck to a diet for 5 days now, and im excited so far. I havent lost that much, but at my diet class i won the prize for losing the most weight.. NOt so much weight loss related, but it felt really good, since ive been their for about 3 months.

reattempting this again, Im hoping to use some workouts from another online diet program.
I really want to do this before i go to college. BUt anyways, recently ive beeen thinking more about why I need to lose weight, and i havent really come to any decision yet, except maybe that i have even greater issues than i though. supposedly Ill need to deal with those before I can be fully sucsessful losing weight, so thats sort of scury.
And too add to the motivation my super supportive parents rathert lovingly told me that i can’t stick to a diet for more than three days, so im all p.o.’d that they think this, and im feeling the nedd to stay on a diet for four days just to prove them wrong.
ALso, I have an unplanned vacation in three weeks, because my parents decided we need family “fun” (which is never fun).,, so i either get to go to florida to beg people for money, or to go see my grandmother for her to comment on how fat i am. (she called me a cow two years ago, so i must be a hippotamus now.

ive been stuck on this goal lately.. and looking at pictures of me today i looked so fat..it was icky..

so many of my dreams depend on being loved.. and i eat because im unloved.. but to be loved i have to be skinny, and beautiful and perfect, so yeah how is this supposed to work???

see the icky picture.. its disgusting. no wonder no one loves me.