finish my ph.d

things havnt really being going well ph.d wise recently – i’ve worked the equivalent of a month since around august. someone said, the second year blues wasnt just a myth, and i do believe it. that someone also recommended going back to read my application. it dosent sound like me at all. it sounded so happy, so ambitious, so naive – i really felt i could change the world too – so something quiet similar, considering the field – engineering.
that raised my spirits up a bit. and although i still feel if id done anything research related before i started this id never have started a ph.d, it’s kinda reminded me of my priorities (misplaced or otherwise), targets, reasons etc. i’m finally beginning to work. thank you.

9 months down the road and surprisingly (to me at least) i have actually done quiet some work. i never know until i meet someone doing something related to my work and we have a chat. i have a comp. sci. background so the fact that i have a good grasp of geotechnical / civil engin. is good. considering it’s all self taught and the lack of discipline to just do-it-myself. i happen to be one of those people that show up for lectures just so i don’t have to learn it myself.
finished my progress monitoring form, first year report, and presentation – all due next week.
the interview follows in sept 07. oh joy.

my supervisor keeps telling me it’s ok – but all the other research group members seem to be extremely high achievers and i cant seem to catch up – for lack of discipline. the scary thing is – it doesn’t even bother me anymore. i get back home and sleep. even with the caffeine overload.

my first year viva is the first week of July. i have to write a report of a max. 5000 words, have an interview with a panel and present a seminar with a q+a session. and all these don’t scare me. i’m scared that they don’t scare me.

on time and on budget. for me.