100 things

Finito – 360 days later. I can actually see me grow through the list – even with the non-linear chaotic way it was finally made.

1. The list, the list, the list
2. It has been 360 days since i started this list. I shouldav dated the entries. I started at 100, did some middle, did some top and filled in the blanks.
3. I bought the BIG lie – study hard, don’t mess with boys and the good ones will come begging
4. The cynic has so got to go – i’m all sold out to (potential) love, though not the uncritical, unselfish, undying type
5. Still think disney screwed me though
6. 42 is really the answer to the ultimate question of life ;)
7. I dreamt of Jesus yesterday. 100% true. Don’t know how / why
8. I try so HARD not to judge others, so that i may not be judged
9. I think i come across as ‘holier than thou’ sometimes
10. I am 25 and i think i have used up all my luck
11. Right now, i want to fast forward 10 years in my life
12. I’m 25, i’ve lowered my expectations – any guy with money will do :)
13. Used to be an ugly magnet, then inappropriate magnet … now, i seem to be a married-guy magnet. I hate them!
14. Compromised class, culture and intellect and still the guy turned out to be an asshole. Here is to never being ashamed of my standards and sticking to them. Well, some of them.
15. It feels like i’m done kissing frogs and prince charming dosen’t exist
16. Wanna learn an instrument
17. I’ve never really undertood, related to, or been crazy about other peoples ambitions for me
18. Some think i’m pretentious, but i really don’t care much what they think – i enjoy what i am and do
19. Hope to go to all the ancient wonders of the world, and then some
21. I want to honeymoon on a(n) eurail pass – spending the most time in central and eastern Europe
20. Used to love watching travel and histroy channels, TNT and reading the dictionary. Everyone though i was sad
21. I’m a big movie buff – listing what i don’t like is as hard as listing what i do
22. I’m not really into t.v. haven’t had one in 2 years and i dont miss it
23. I’m not all that crazy about kids, but i still hope my laptop’s not fried my ovaries by now
24. I’m slightly agrophobic – but then i feel so happy after i socialise
25. I want to change the world in some profound way. I just don’t know how yet.
26. I think i’d rather have my self-respect and end up a statistic, vis-a-vis the (bitter) maiden aunt.
27. I want to have a holiday / retirement home somewhere in the south of France – Provence, maybe. Even though i think the French obnoxious
28. I color code everything. Even my rough notes. Send the guys in lab coats
29. I have a conference in New Orleans, but opted not to go even with all expenses paid because i fear being humiliated at the US airport. I wear a scarf, so i’m visibly muslim and i’ve heard horror stories. I told everyone i didn’t go because i am broke
31. Now who is pathetic?
32. I’m beginning to wonder if the rat race ever does end
33. What would Jesus do? Even though i feel like i’ve just blasphemed.
34. I’m afraid i’m going to end up a statistic
35. End up alone, probably die a bitter spinster
36. I feel so alone!
37. I come from the most politically apathetic society, where we vote along religious and tribal interests … and i still criticise others (A)
38. So, my mom and i finally get each other – or we pretend to. But atleast there is the mutual, respect and support i’ve craved all my life
39. My dad is having a mid life crisis at 57
40. I’ll be shot where i came from if anyone ever read #39
41. I’m finally making friends in Exeter and actually letting them in
42. So i have a shrink
43. I got back with my ex-, who became my fiance, and we’ve broken up again because he likes little girls
44. No really, i’m not saying that to be mean. and yeah, i do realise people will be reading this sequentially from # 1. i’ll try to clean-up when (IF) i’m done.
45. And that this update today is not really about me, but things that happened since the last entry
46. I’ve thought of so many things about me to put on this list but i really can’t remember any right now
47. I knew i was bad but i didn’t know this bad
48. It’s been 8 months since # 49
49. Of all tv. characters i identify with Ally Mcbeal the most
50. I lack focus
51. I’ve never really wanted to be any thing in particular. I envy people that know what they want exactly.
52. I have 65 maternal cousins, and counting. The ones on my fathers side are uncountable. I don’t think people believe me when i say this.
53. I think i’m a hypochondriac
54. I don’t forgive easily. Forgiving and forgetting is such a false cliche
55. When i get mad at people, i need to explode and give them a piece of my mind, there and then. otherwise i internalize and hate them for a long time.
56. I hate political correctness. Not only is it hypocritical, it masks hate. I’d rather know.
57. I love london. I lived in it for two years and had the greatest times of my life. Exeter’s growing on me but it’ll never compare.
58. I remember being born – but everyone thinks i’m crazy
59. I have a feeling i’m going to die young
60. I’m not half way nearly as strong as people think i am
61. I get scared sometimes, but i don’t let anyone know.
62. I sometimes (a lot of times to be sometimes!) don’t finish what i start (eg. this list, remembered 1 week later)
63. I am doing a ph.d in engineering – i secretely wish i was doing something more creative, like writing, art etc
64. I excessively read – but hardly anything to do with my researh
65. I’m a member of postcrossing: the postcard crossing project
66. My teeth are naturally yellow. Well, maybe the caffeine abuse has something to do with it too
67. I lack self control. All to do with the self-discipline issue
68. Death freaks me out
69. I find geopolitics fascinating. Should do a course about it or something related soon
70. I don’t have many friends, i have so many acquaintances it’s almost impossible
71. I think we waste too much time sleeping, when a time will come when we’ll have to sleep forever
72. I don’t take compliments well – never sure what they mean
73. I scream when i touch the ocean
74. I can’t ride a bicycle. I never had one
75. I’m into photography now. I couldn’t stand a camera a year ago
76. I love reading
77. I lack self-discipline. I wasn’t like this before
78. I’m a cynic. But im not so kind to myself either
79. I am compulsive – i’ve never planned!
80. I have trust issues
81. I can’t swim. I’m hydrophobic – can’t even do hot tubs
82. I’m not afraid to say ‘i don’t know’
83. I sometimes don’t think much of myself -> lack self-esteem
84. I sometimes forget to eat, and i don’t have an eating disorder in anyway, shape or form
85. I could be clumsy.
86. I am sometimes (randomly) nice, even without trying
87. I give up easily (a new trait – i used to be quiet resilient)- maybe i’m depressed :)
88. I drive really bad. Sometimes even on good days
89. When i freak out, i lose all logic
90. I don’t like being bossed, controlled, and i am very controlling
91. I will hopefully end up in heaven
92. I don’t shower everyday, and i don’t stink. Don’t like wasting water ;)
93. I could like cooking, if i didn’t have to do a lot of it
94. I’m REALLY into family, even though they (mostly) ALL piss me off
95. I love my personal space way too much it’s scary
96. I’m not crazy, i just get bored easily, so i tend to end up improvising ;)
97. I love attention (from the right people)
98. I can’t belive there are 100 things i still haven’t figured out about myself by now (almost 25, ‘sigh’)
99. I have OCD
100. I procastinate a LOT

that i haven’t realised yet.

or that i have forgotten.

or i’m in denial of.

the good, the bad and the ugly.

coming soon.