fall in love again

That’s about as clear as I can be. Just that once you’ve loved someone with every fiber of your being, it becomes very difficult to cede that place in your heart to another. I find myself struggling to let other women in, to even just consider them romantically, and thus far it’s proven beyond my capacity. It’s discouraging. I don’t know how in the world I managed to ever meet and confidentally date then marry my ex-wife. Dating right now is a big enough challenge. I suppose part of it is that I’m very selfish with my time right now. Frankly, I think I’m afraid of falling in love again and dating someone again. The little bit of time I horde to myself right now would be diminished even more, and the money I’m striving to save so that I can move somewhere warmer would be squeezed (or annihalated—if I remember the costs of dating accurately). In short, I can’t wait to be in love again and share my life with someone… but on the other hand I’m just not ready to do so yet. Maybe it’ll take another year or so before I’m in a position, with the right attitude, to open myself to a woman and let her in.